BABIES

[kendra]

I want them, I know none of the rest of you do excepting Bailey, sorry. While the chick board was around just thought I'd throw this one out there. Now Allison will come in and tell me how heartwrenching and horrible and wonderful all at the same time having kids is, and I'll still want them anyway.

This is the first baby that comes up when you search for "baby" in Google images :D

http://baby-showers-hawaii.com/I%20love%20Baby%20Showers%20Hawaii2.JPG

[kendra]

Future frustrated American businessman! :O

http://home.earthlink.net/~rogerladd/Small%20Frank%20asleep%20in%20Cary.jpg

[Kelly Kapowski]

haha! when i was reading this and saw you said, "i know no one else here wants them" and i was like, "hey!" and then saw my name :-*

i have baby pictures saved on my computer D: most of them are anne geddes tho, whatever!

And i really am terribly excited about being a mom, i don't care what all y'all say. It's just something i've always wanted. And believe me, if you don't want kids, more power to you and you probably shouldn't have them if you don't want them, i have nothing against that.

Kendra, when do you want to start having babes? I don't particularly want children till after a few years of being married, but sometimes i fantasize about being a young unwed mother D; i don't necessarily want that, i just imagine it b/c i kinda wanna be partners in crime with my babe, just the two of us.

Also kendra, do you ever think about adopting? If so, where from? I do think about it and I could see myself adopting from any and everywhere. I wish I were strong enough a person to adopt sick children but i don't know if i could ever do that : ( I kinda wanna adopt a child from Africa b/c it's trendy and they are the cutest. Fyi i'm obviously joking about the trendy factor, and i think all kids are cute. African babies are pretty farking cute though, and so many of them need help. I also fantasize about having a big house in the country with lots of shelter pets and kinda being a foster home for kids and animals. lol i feel like i'm giving a speech for a pageant D;.

ALSO what names do you like? I like Soren, Milo and Max for boys, and Lotta, Olivia and Ruby for girls, altho one of my good friends already has dibs on Ruby. I like some others but i can't recall them right now.

[The Tourist]

well hey, your babies will(!) be all eurasian and exceptionally beautiful. Enjoy the fruits of your loom. :O
In other news my sister is less than 2 weeks away from her due date! I will be an uncle very soon... and I guess she will be a mother! Which is weird cos we're still kids... even though she's 30 and I'm 24. :/

[Kelly Kapowski]

cuteee

[LOST_kitty_k]

I want kids and I hate having to wait to have them. I'm really jealous because my sister had a baby girl in March and I haven't even gotten to meet her yet.

[kendra]

Kendra, when do you want to start having babes?
Also kendra, do you ever think about adopting? If so, where from?

ALSO what names do you like?


HEEEY good questions :D! lol

WHEN?

1 or 2 yrs. Although the way I'm hating my job maybe things will change! Either way I don't want to put it off longer than that. But I think (?) we want to get a bit more settled, ie, decide we want to be in this area for a couple of years at least, find gainful and satisfying employment, get a bigger place, get my diabetes to the place where i want it. (Diabetes isn't really holding me back - if anything it's pushing me forward, but I do have some fine tuning to do before I start obsessing over taking care of a creature inside my body.)

ADOPT?

I think it's wonderful, but I don't know if it's for me. And both partners have to be 100% on board and I remember Will going "Hmm" once so I don't really think it's in the cards. I would absolutely be all for it if I had trouble having a child of my own as opposed to a sperm donor or surrogate mom or s'thing D:

NAMES?

Boys are hard, but...Patrick and Liam are the popular ones right now. I really love Raphaela but I think that freaks Will out. There's lots of girly names that I love.

[Needs Wasabi]

Ugh.

I hate this subject.

I have no want of a child whatsoever. Half of the time that makes me feel like I'm less of a woman or something. I wish somebody on here shared the same Childfree lifestyle that I do. I know Cait on Sweetaddy does and that's about it.

[kendra]

I want kids and I hate having to wait to have them. I'm really jealous because my sister had a baby girl in March and I haven't even gotten to meet her yet.

Oh man! :( Yeah I remember you saying you were really eager to have a go...I think about you guys every now and then! My oldest brother has a little girl (almost two) and one due in November. I'm so excited for him, egads.

[kendra]

Ugh.

I hate this subject.

I have no want of a child whatsoever. Half of the time that makes me feel like I'm less of a woman or something. I wish somebody on here shared the same Childfree lifestyle that I do. I know Cait on Sweetaddy does and that's about it.

Dude, that's cool though. I don't think you should feel persecuted or anything. and if you ARE getting shit for it, just tell whoever it is to eff off.

[Kelly Kapowski]

yeah that's exactly why i said that i don't hold anything against people who don't want kids. If anything, Kendra, Katrina and I are in the minority here. While we're no better people b/c we want kids, y'all ain't any better b/c ya don't either.

Kendra, i love the name Liam! Raphaela is scary to me too, lolz. Irish John likes really Irish names, ones that no one here would ever be able to pronounce, so if we ever have babies i might be like, "oh yah that's a good middle name.." :-* At the same time, having a name like that might be kinda neat.

[Needs Wasabi]

I used to want kids when I was younger and then I realized what a hassle they can be. (I have 5 nieces and nephews) I can't take it..I'm crazy enough as it is.

But, when I did want kids...I always loved the name Miles for a boy and Rozalyn for a girl.

P.S. Rozalyn can be shortened to Roz and I just think that name is totally badass for a chick.

[Cheryl K]

Yeah, I want babies too. Ain't happening for a looong time though. I need to finish living my life first before I can take care of someone else.

*sigh*

[LOST_kitty_k]

Oh man! :( Yeah I remember you saying you were really eager to have a go...I think about you guys every now and then! My oldest brother has a little girl (almost two) and one due in November. I'm so excited for him, egads.

It's torture. We already picked names. I picked the girl names because I'm sure we'll have girls, everyone in his family has lots of girls. They will be Lillian Laine (Laine is my mother's middle name) and Scarlett Marie (Marie is my sister's middle name, also my mother in-law's middle name).

Jason is set on naming a boy Gaius which I was all for at first but then I starting thinking about what that kid would go through, like coming home from school and telling us everyone is calling him Gay-us. There's also the fact that I think most people wouldn't know how to pronounce it but that seems to be common for names in my family. My mom's name is Kareen and my sister's name is Tanna and lots of people seem to have trouble figuring out how to pronounce them. My grandmother wanted to name my mom Maconda which is quite frightening.

[ok]

i have a baby. she's so cute. see pic.

[Kelly Kapowski]

oh my god, since when do you have a baby! is that why you disappeared from blamo? she is farking so cute

[rogaine]

oh my god you guys, i LOVE BABIES. so. much.

i work at babies r us now and i seriously see at least 4 million cute babies every day. and i work with totally cute baby stuff all day. and you know what's pathetic? i don't have a baby and i won't for a while, but i sometimes buy baby clothes :( THEY'RE CUTE, OK? i'll have a use for them some day..

btw i can't wait for will and kendra to start having babies but i think i've made that clear before.

[Atomsk Iscariot]

btw i can't wait for will and kendra to start having babies

.

[Celluloid Love]

oh my god this is the scariest thread of all time

[kendra]

i have a baby. she's so cute. see pic.

Hahaha, I love her pose!

[kendra]

It's torture. We already picked names. I picked the girl names because I'm sure we'll have girls, everyone in his family has lots of girls. They will be Lillian Laine (Laine is my mother's middle name) and Scarlett Marie (Marie is my sister's name, also my mother in-law's).

My grandmother wanted to name my mom Maconda which is quite frightening.

I'd say you are improving with each generation :D

[Barbarian Love Elephant]

oh my god you guys, i LOVE BABIES. so. much.

i work at babies r us now and i seriously see at least 4 million cute babies every day. and i work with totally cute baby stuff all day. and you know what's pathetic? i don't have a baby and i won't for a while, but i sometimes buy baby clothes :( THEY'RE CUTE, OK? i'll have a use for them some day..

btw i can't wait for will and kendra to start having babies but i think i've made that clear before.

that is straight up creepy

oh my god this is the scariest thread of all time

i keep feeling the need to clutch at my chest!

Kendra would make a perfect parent

Bailey well you might but you'd get a star for trying

I don't want kids get away from me you fuicking parasite all you do is moan moan moan and cry and then hate me when a semblance of ability to form thought enters your head. I want my extra holiday a year and child free healthcare but if I did!

They'd be named

Ruth
Benjamin
Molly

Benjamin would be older to protect Ruth/Molly’s rep and dignity, he'd be a jack of all trades.

Ruth would be a dark haired feisty lil tear away and all I’d be able to say would be 'OH RUTH! what ya got up to now kid?' her mother would be the cop of the house.

Molly would be blonde but smart and nerdy but over time she'd come out of her shell!

I'd die at 65 so as not to be a burden upon them

GAWD ok ok i'll leave the thread

[Barbara]

They will be Lillian Laine (Laine is my mother's middle name) and Scarlett Marie (Marie is my sister's name, also my mother in-law's).


oh man, I want babies eventually too and I also thought up girl names, even though I dunno when I'm gonna think about getting pregnant or if I can even have kids anymore :( Those are really pretty though, I love both of them. Girl names are so fun to think of! I like a few boy names but I can't ever decide on those. Anyway, my favorite girl names:
Julia Catherine
Samantha Melinda

[Static Split Screen]

I want one baby, but not until I'm in my mid-thirties. I definitely one want only one. My family has a history of giving birth to breeches. :scared:

[Herr Lipp]

CAESAREAN THAT SHIT

[Static Split Screen]

I don't want to screw up my stomach muscles, my back's shitty enough as it is.

[rogaine]

that is straight up creepy



well i bought some when i was pregnant and that's not creepy. the only other time i did it was when i bought a set with giraffes all over it cause it was freakin cute. and if a friend has a baby before me i'll give it to her. :)

[Hi There, Am Pam]

oh my god this is the scariest thread of all time

I agree! Only on the girl's board could this thread last.

But the thing is, I DO (eventually) want children/kid. But... I don't want any of the responsibilities of it. In fact, I want less responsibilities than I have now, so a baby....? OH GOD NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have trouble changing my own diapers. :(

[Jackal]

Hey! :lol:

I'm so silent.

[Leela]

Oh god guys, I think I would be such a horrible mother to my own children because I have no patience. I want to adopt kids at like, 7 or something, where they're still young but I don't have to suffer through the toddler stage where they just scream and cry and don't pay attention to you GAWD. Besides, the adopted kid might be more appreciative considering how fucked up our adoption/foster home system is.

I just want to have a lot of pets, ok :cry:

[Needs Wasabi]

Oh god guys, I think I would be such a horrible mother to my own children because I have no patience. I want to adopt kids at like, 7 or something, where they're still young but I don't have to suffer through the toddler stage where they just scream and cry and don't pay attention to you GAWD. Besides, the adopted kid might be more appreciative considering how fucked up our adoption/foster home system is.

I just want to have a lot of pets, ok :cry:


I LOVE YOU!

Haha.

:D

:drums:

[Fab]

Oh I wanna take you home, I wanna give you children, and you might be my girlfriend...

YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!

[The Tourist]

if a hermaphrodite had working ovaries and testes do you think they could get themselves pregnant???
I REALLY WANT TO KNOW!

[Needs Wasabi]

Only if you could stick yer penis into yer vajayjay, Eliot.

:lol:

*kidding*

[sleepy sinner]

Ugh.

I hate this subject.

I have no want of a child whatsoever. Half of the time that makes me feel like I'm less of a woman or something. I wish somebody on here shared the same Childfree lifestyle that I do. I know Cait on Sweetaddy does and that's about it.

In reality I definately don't want kids. Occasionally I fantasise about it but I know in reality that it's not me...the fantasies are enough secret enjoyment, I can live with those and seeing other people's babies :) Which are effing adorable.

[Jackal]

Here's a secret, Men don't help with children. They seem like they will, but once it's here, it's like you have to ask for help, which is demeaning. They act life buffoons and assume the woman knows how to deal with everything.

My husband would never help out unless he sensed I was just about to fall apart at the seams. Other women concur with this. Even on weekends, I was the one feeding, washing, playing, caring, paying attention to the baby, while my husband was doing his thing. Most of the time I had to pretend he wasn't home because otherwise I felt like killing him.

My mom, Grandmothers, sister, friends, all told me their husbands were the same. I felt so angry that none of them ever told me this fact.

So if your future mother-in-law can say that her husband was this type of role model for your future husband, RUN! Just kidding, but for real this is a huge issue and could break up a marriage.

Years later I've forgiven my husband for not helping out more, but it's still lodged in my heart as being a desperate, lonely time.

[Jackal]

I'm not saying that all men are like this. But I have a friend whose got a husband that really tries to give their kids loads of attention, but she still has the same complaint. In the day to day care area, it's all her. It's so frustrating.

She told me the other day that she was cooking and her husband had to go through the mess of giving their son a time out. Sometimes making a kid sit in a time out for 5 minutes, can end up taking 30 minutes and wear you down mentally and physically. (until they learn you mean business) She told me she was in the kitchen laughing because her husband had to deal with it, and I knew exactly how she felt.

Sorry Kendra!!! I couldn't help it!!

[kendra]

Nah, I think . . . I think you are right, really. Men are conditioned into this helpless act when it comes to the day-to-day raising of children, which is maybe a weird payback for so many women being conditioned to be helpless in basically everything else that's important. It's funny because although women do have mothering instincts, we aren't born knowing how to do everything with a baby. New moms know as much as new dads, but men are told that they're stupid when it comes to babies so they step back.

Take my older brother - generally a capable, intelligent, hard working fellow. Upon the birth of his first child you can literally see the split between his wife and himself - sure, he can get the job done when it comes to changing a diaper, but he almost ALWAYS has to be ASKED to do it, and you can tell the difference in efficiency between himself and my SIL when it comes to taking care of the baby. It's not because she's around the baby more, either - she works full time just like he does. She's due again in November and is freaking out slightly because she knows that her job raising babies just doubled. He's just very happy. I don't know, it doesn't make him a bad person - he's a great father. It's just this issue everyone seems to have, this incredible task of raising a child that a father just doesn't always seem to clue into. If the work doesn't get done, someone else will do it, right? I haven't asked my mother what my father was like when I was a baby, but I do remember him being VERY invovled when I was small (6 to 10) because my mother often traveled on business. He washed us, fed us, played with us, made sure I had barettes in my hair before I walked out the door for school. If my mother was there though, these were her duties. He was always the "fun" one though - Mom wasn't much as far as entertaining us.

Anyway in conclusion, for the majority of fathers you are probably right. From what I've observed and heard in my experience.

[Needs Wasabi]

OK..Now this is a serious question.

To all the guys on here...Do all of you want children?

Sometimes I get this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me that if I don't want kids I will never marry or find a partner. I just wanna know if at least a few men out there don't want teh babies. Please answer..K?

[kendra]

Aw c'mon, you aren't serious are you? There are shitloads of men who don't want children!

[Needs Wasabi]

It seriously doesn't seem like that. Especially where I live (Bible Belt..YAY!)..and it'll probably be years and years before I escape out of this Hellhole.

[Jackal]

It doesn't matter. A life without babies can be ultra full filling. I was so against it. But realized I didn't want to die never knowing what it was like.

I can say I was 100% happy with my life before I decided to do it. Am I sorry, not at all.

But now, no way, I do not want another kid at all. No way. One is enough.

[The Tourist]

my brother in law has grown increasingly shitty towards the birth of his first child. It's a bit odd, but in my sister's household I seem to have more of a dominant male role than her husband. Maybe that's unfair, but since i've done more physical work around the place than he has, it has some truth.
He's proving himself totally inept towards so many things. At first I didn't mind doing things that he should've been doing, but then it's a bit strange after a while. Like, why the fuck isn't he doing these things? I hope he changes when the baby's born, but I'm kind of preparing myself mentally in case he doesn't. But how weird would that be? Being the father figure to your sisters baby!

[Static Split Screen]

But now, no way, I do not want another kid at all. No way. One is enough.

Amen, I never understood people who wanted 5 children or whatever. One is enough work!

[Needs Wasabi]

You know who I don't understand? Those people who are on the Discovery Channel all the time. The Duggers...They have like 16 kids and *still* want more. :wtf:

[kendra]

Oh those people are batshit crazy. They scare the crap out of me. Plus it angers me that they're filling the world with more white Christian fundamentalists :D I just think it's incredibly arrogant of them to spread their mundane middle American DNA around in such disgusting quantities :D

Okay now that I've gotten that off my chest, I guess I see where they're coming from - they went through a miscarriage (which they blame on birth control, whatev) and that can be horribly heartbreaking . . . but damn, 16 kids? :cry:

[kendra]

my brother in law has grown increasingly shitty towards the birth of his first child.

He's proving himself totally inept towards so many things. I hope he changes when the baby's born, but I'm kind of preparing myself mentally in case he doesn't. But how weird would that be? Being the father figure to your sisters baby!

Maybe he's getting really freaked out as the time draws nearer. Maybe he needs a hug. Plus a punch in the face.

[The Tourist]

he's 38, i would think someone his age, who's embarking on their first foray into parenthood may want to pay attention. he's being an arse! I need to have a talk with him about his role/duties, but I feel like I'd just be patronising... mainly cos I'm 24, not married, and childless!

[Fab]

Hey Selena, I don't want kids :flirt:.

That would be the lamest line ever.

But yeah, kids are cute sometimes but 24/7 I'd shoot myself, and they stick around for AT LEAST 18 years! And they're never completely gone.

[Needs Wasabi]

Hey Selena, I don't want kids :flirt:.

That would be the lamest line ever.

But yeah, kids are cute sometimes but 24/7 I'd shoot myself, and they stick around for AT LEAST 18 years! And they're never completely gone.

:D

I would instanly fall for that pick-up line if some guy in a bar said that to me. :org:

Oh, and Frank..I just added you to the evil thing known as Myspace. :)

[kendra]

bow chicka wow wow ... :O

[wasp in a jar]

Oh I wanna take you home, I wanna give you children, and you might be my girlfriend...

YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!:D

i knew it would be one of us that did that!

[Mary Alice]

I want to adopt kids but right now I am still a kid myself. I was thinking like...when I'm 30 or something? I'm far from ready yet, but someday.

I've known since I was a child that I can't have children. When I was still only 8 years old or so mom said "if you adopt a kid we won't love the kid any less..." so it's kind of something I've heard since I was little. In vitro and egg donation make a pregnancy possible for people with my condition and is pretty common now but I don't think it's for me.

I'm pretty cool with not being able to have kids, actually. One day someone here on Blamo made a joke about "at least you're not pregnant" and I lashed out at them "I can't get pregnant you jackass." I was having a shitty day (which his comment reflects), and sadly, it made me feel better to respond that way. Mostly because I don't remember who it was but it was a nice person (not a jackass) and I knew they'd respond feeling bad for what they said, which would give me a kick and cheer me up. Lame, I know. Really and truly though I don't take it that seriously, I don't think it's a big deal. But just as really and truly it does piss me off hearing stories about the moms that leave their newborn babies in dumpsters or whatever. Every once in a while stories like that do make me think "why can they get pregnant and not me?"...(on top of feeling sad for the newborn...)

I don't know where I'd adopt from. China...? Guatemala? I like the name Gabriela for a girl currently. And I think I'd like to adopt 2 kids, a boy and a girl.

[DrHibbert]

Can we change this thread to "BABES"?

Man, do I love babes. :love:

[Needs Wasabi]

I want to adopt kids but right now I am still a kid myself. I was thinking like...when I'm 30 or something? I'm far from ready yet, but someday.

I've known since I was a kid that I can't have kids. When I was still only 8 years old or so mom said "if you adopt a kid we won't love the kid any less..." so it's kind of something I've heard since I was little. In vitro and egg donation make a pregnancy possible for people with my condition and is pretty common now but I don't think it's for me.

I don't know where I'd adopt from. China...? Guatemala? I like the name Gabriela for a girl currently. And I think I'd like to adopt 2 kids, a boy and a girl.

I wish I could have what ever you have that makes you unable to have kids..and give you my ability to have kids. :D

[rogaine]

I want to adopt kids but right now I am still a kid myself. I was thinking like...when I'm 30 or something? I'm far from ready yet, but someday.

I've known since I was a kid that I can't have kids. When I was still only 8 years old or so mom said "if you adopt a kid we won't love the kid any less..." so it's kind of something I've heard since I was little. In vitro and egg donation make a pregnancy possible for people with my condition and is pretty common now but I don't think it's for me.

I don't know where I'd adopt from. China...? Guatemala? I like the name Gabriela for a girl currently. And I think I'd like to adopt 2 kids, a boy and a girl.
that's great. good for you. :)

[Static Split Screen]

That is good, there are so many children in those countries that need homes. :)

Anyone else terrified of pregnancy?

[Leela]

Anyone else terrified of pregnancy?

Why do you think I don't want kids? poor thing wouldn't get enough nutrition

[Needs Wasabi]

If I were to ever get pregnant and abortion wasn't legal I would throw myself down a flight of stairs. :D

[rogaine]

that's sad.

[Needs Wasabi]

I just don't want kids. Seriously.

..and hopefully abortion will stay legal so I don't have to do that in the first place.

[Fab]

I'm sure there'd be a few more options than a flight of stairs, like a pint of whiskey, or a back street clinic. Haven't you seen Dirty Dancing?

Orrrr.... just go abroad.

[Needs Wasabi]

Yeah..but, that chick almost died using a back street clinic. Didn't she?

I think I'd have a better chance of living if I went with the stairs.

[ramblingrose]

I feel like I should contribute to this thread but this issue is getting big and scary for me at the moment, so I don't know what to say. I'm still not sure about having children, I always thought I wanted to until about two years ago, but now it seems unlikely, and I'm fine with that now but when I'm 40 I'll probably be really bitter and twisted about it. So I suppose I'm not fine with it now. Oh dear. On the plus side, no posh twins with AIDS for me! which is almost a shame, since I'd picked a name, Dave Spaceshuttle.

[Kelly Kapowski]

If I were to ever get pregnant and abortion wasn't legal I would throw myself down a flight of stairs. :D
sorry, but that's not funny :no:

seriously, as much as i don't care if you don't want kids, it's still irritating when people think that they are so far above it and make every point to notify others. Good for you, now move on.

[Henriette]

I'd eventually like to have a kid (if it's in the cards, I mean).

There are so many things to consider though... I'd like to be well-off (financially) and it'd be nice to be completely self-sufficient. Personally, I like the idea of little-to-no husband involvement. When I imagine married life, I envision me with a child - in a park someplace neat - and a husband on a far off bench... head hid behind a newspaper. When the little kid runs toward the father to show him some cool new flower s/he found, the father smiles and pats it on the head, then sends him/her on its way. Anyway, I like the name Gabriel Aziz for a boy and Lilly Saffron for a girl. The Lilly Safron name is a bit hippy, but you know... I like the idea of the initials L.S.(hopefully D.) Ok, I've said enough.

[DrHibbert]

I definitely want to have kids, I like kids.

And babes, lots of babes.

[Henriette]

Beavis?

[Henriette]

No no, Forrest Gump!

[Jackal]

I'd eventually like to have a kid (if it's in the cards, I mean).

There are so many things to consider though... I'd like to be well-off (financially) and it'd be nice to be completely self-sufficient. Personally, I like the idea of little-to-no husband involvement. When I imagine married life, I envision me with a child - in a park someplace neat - and a husband on a far off bench... head hid behind a newspaper. When the little kid runs toward the father to show him some cool new flower s/he found, the father smiles and pats it on the head, then sends him/her on its way.

That sounds good now, but you will want to walk over to the father and bash his head with a steel pipe! Because you will see the disappointment on your little angels face. Dad actually having time to read a newspaper will even make you feel rage! And I really think you'll want his help and need it. Like when the kid's fever is 104 and you aren't sure weather to rush him to the hospital or submerge him in cold water. It's usually a harmless virus, but having that second opinion/emotional support is priceless. Just having another person to put the kid in the fucking car seat is great too!

I always ended up at the nice parks alone, and it's kinda scary knowing you're the one protecting a child from all those strangers. You wish your husband was there in the protection role, so you could just have fun with your baby without being on watch for mean dogs, bratty older kids, pedophiles, sharp rusty objects, Frisbees, footballs, rocks, wires sticking out of fences, sticker bushes, mud holes, food that your kids wants to pick up and eat, bugs, etc.

Just keeping your eye on him while he mixes with all the other kids is so hard. And then you fear he's been stolen, when some other mother talks to you and for one second you turn your head, and then you can't located him fast enough. You imagine calling the police and having to explain it, and then how you would feel if he was really gone. You feel like puking, your heart speeds up, and an insane panic builds up and you start saying his name in a weird voice, that sounds desperate and far away. When you see him, the world goes back to normal. Getting back into the car with him safe and happy feels so great!

[Jackal]

Do you all like me telling the truth about motherhood, or do you not want to know?

I know it's only my screwed up version, and I'm not mentally wonderful and optimistic. But I was never around babies, or couples with babies and so all this stuff was new to me. And I felt anger towards all other moms before me, and the media's twisted portrayal of babies and children in commercials and film.

I'll just shut up, I think, because I'm sure some women find it easy.:)

[dorareever]

we need a kittens thread as well.

[Lalique]

Ugh.

I hate this subject.

I have no want of a child whatsoever. Half of the time that makes me feel like I'm less of a woman or something. I wish somebody on here shared the same Childfree lifestyle that I do. I know Cait on Sweetaddy does and that's about it.

hi

[Narcissistic Nihilist]

sorry, but that's not funny :no:.

Ah but it is. It made me chuckle.

[homer j. simpson]

i loooove kids and they love me.

BUT! i don't think i will ever have one, i like being able to give them back at the end of the day.

also, this is gonna sound ridiculous and silly and pansyish, but i just do not want to go through that 9 months and then labour. urrrgh.

[Jackal]

Labour and delivery is the short, easy part.

[elisabeth]

I want one.
I want a baby.
I want a baby!!!!
:cry:

But I don't want a bunch of paternalistic assholes to tell me how to eat/sleep/feed/clothe/educate/nurture/nurse/discipline etc.etc.etc. the baby.
It is like open goddamn season on mothers.
I have been in way to many situations with pregnant/nursing friends where folks will waltz right up to them and criticize them for what they are doing/not doing, eating/not eating. It is messed up. Everyone feels they have a right to tell women what to do with their bodies/babies because of their superior concern for the children. I hate it. More moms need feel confident enough to tell the busybodies to fuck off! But everything around them tells them "Danger! Danger! You are constantly on the verge of being a bad mother. :eek: Don't slip up! Don't make any mistakes! Don't risk anything! Keep the child in a bubble and feed him only doctor-approved nutritionally superior organic mush and if he can't recite the periodic table by the time he's two he's a retard and it is all your fault!! You let him watch TV! You bad bad bad mother!! If you (insert action) you are a horrible selfish person and you don't really love your baby and there is something wrong with you you self-absorbed bitch how dare you drink half-a glass of wine/let your kid watch movies so you can eat dinner/put him in day care/let him have a tantrum in public etc. etc. You filthy harpy!!!!!" And so on.
It is seriously bumming me out.
And all the guilt works because most women would set themselves on fire for their babies and so a lot of chicks I know become totally neurotic about their babies because there are so many indignant losers out there who think they can tell women how to be mothers. Bah.

And don't even get me started on the ferberizing guy. Have you read his books? Dude has issues.

[The Tourist]

since my sister had her bebe I've grown to love babies and little kids. Once they're older than 5 or 6 they can go and fuck off.
But seriously, I would like to have children, probably in about 5 years methinks. I guess it all depends on what job I've got and if I'm making enough money to support a child and have money left over for the occasional CD. :O
I think I'd be a good dad. I'd steer them clear from trouble and give them love, support and security. SOMETHING I NEVER HAD. :cry:

[kendra]

I want one.
I want a baby.
I want a baby!!!!
:cry:


Your entire post was on the money. And you know what I say? Fuck 'em. I am going to do my best to breastfeed my children, especially as it reduces the chances of them developing diabetes from about 1-2% back to the risk of the "normal" population. But you know if it doesn't work out, then I'll deal, and my kid will never be malnourished. And I even have an interest in making food for my children (lol @ organic mush), but if I am at the end of my rope that day they will survive on Easy Mac. You just have to say "I am doing the best I can." It isn't worth it to to endlessly compare yourself to others - NO ONE WILL EVER BE PERFECT and everyone's kid is going to be fucked up in some way, just as we all are. It makes life interesting! D: :D

And seriously my childhood would have been so empty without claymation Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer, Fraggle Rock, and MANY MANY others. I still love to read, I loved to write as a youngster, and I'd still call myself a creative thinker. So whatev, TV is neat. I'm not fat either, so whatev!

[xangeleso]

Amen, I never understood people who wanted 5 children or whatever. One is enough work!
I understand this completely! Especially every other weekend when my stepson comes to visit. By the end of the weekend my husband and I are ready to quit because our sons can NOT get along, lol. Love 'em to death but geez, I don't care who plays with what, who took the last piece of candy, who gets to go first, so on and so forth. And we won't discuss the mess they make *sigh* It's certainly a good form of birth control! :lol: But I must say, I like to entertain the idea of having a baby girl. Luckily my sister has a 7 month old girl that I can play with and give back when she cries. I'm probably better off with the kids we have now.

:xo: Stef

[Barbarian Love Elephant]

I am a man(gasp) but i do not want children in the slightest. I'd much rather my extra holiday a year and less stress from snot lil cuntbags who will hate you from age 5-18

[Needs Wasabi]

:D

Another guy that don't want kids..YAY! :-p

[cigar store indian]

If I were to ever get pregnant and abortion wasn't legal I would throw myself down a flight of stairs. :D
:lol:

I dunno man. I don't want kids for a WHILE, but sometimes my biological clock takes over and I just want to steal one that moment.
Also , I'm terrrified that i'll be one of those neurotic psycho moms. I have such a nervous heart about anything happening to any of my little cousins, i'm afraid that if its my own i'll have an ulcer in no time. :cry:
My kid won't know what its like to chew solid foods till its adult teeth are grown in, i'll keep it on a leash, and will home school it probably. :ok:
For mine and my unborn childs sake Francis should be my first and last son.

[Narcissistic Nihilist]

I have two fantastic nieces. I get all the fun of watching them grow and playing with them without any of the responsibility.

Why the hell would I want any kids?

[The Tourist]

I'm still thinking about sperm bank donations. I really do want a mystery clan of unknown children, that would be just totally dope, man.

[Narcissistic Nihilist]

I'm still thinking about sperm bank donations. I really do want a mystery clan of unknown children, that would be just totally dope, man.

If you did that in a Hollywood film, it would really come back and bite you on the arse.

[Jackal]

I'm not perfect, no mother is. No matter how hard you try and plan, you fuck up and you don't know it until it's set in stone and seems unchangeable. I tried to keep my son healthy by teaching him to wash his hands often, not to touch gross stuff in public, cover his mouth, not to eat after other kids, but it backfired and now he's a germaphobe.

He went to a swim meet at a new pool, and because a band-aid was in the water, he wouldn't swim. He was upset and yelled, "You made me this way, it's all your fault, you've screwed me up!" And I wanted to curl up and die.

I guess I'm a failure in my own eyes on several things. But what I didn't account for was that a kid at about 2 or 3 is the sweetest thing ever, and charming and crafty. Your own kid is different from every other one in the world, because you have a whacked out perspective.

Strangers, family, friends, husbands, wives, your partner, will all tell you non-stop bullshit (or good info!) about what you should be doing, it never stops. You will never know if you are making the right decisions. You will never have all the answers or know what to say. You will wish you could change things. But when you try it all goes to hell.

As they grow they don't want to do what you say, so from age 1 1/2 things get ugly and it never stops. They never stop trying, and you can't give in. My son still tests me about eating vegetables, I've never let him win and not eat them. Yes, I've given in and let him eat stuff I wish I hadn't, I've let him watch TV and play video games for long periods of time, I've done tons of stuff I said I would never let my kid do. The guilt is tremendous. Because if I didn't just give in sometimes, or get a moment of peace, I felt I may go crazy or get violent. I never did either, but I feel guilty that I had to resort to sitting him in front of the TV and hiding in the bathroom crying for a minute. Every mom I know does this.

When you compare your kid to the others, you see his strengths and weaknesses. Grades, sports, manners, intelligence, height/weight, and you see all kids are the same. They all have problems. And when you compare yourself to the other parents you'll know where you stand too.

[xangeleso]

Amen to you Jackal :yes: I think as mothers we feel like we need to be perfect because of the emphasis of our role within the family structure. God knows I'm so far from perfect, but I try. How I look at it is if I can do better than my parents did with me then I'm satisfied. I don't want my son to have to go through months of therapy to realize how fucked up his family structure was. I mean, I love my parents but geez, realize you aren't the perfect mother/father :rolleyes:

:xo: Stef

[Static Split Screen]

No such thing as a perfect parent, just like there's no such thing as a perfect child.

[lisa]

I like the idea of little-to-no husband involvement. When I imagine married life, I envision me with a child - in a park someplace neat - and a husband on a far off bench... head hid behind a newspaper. When the little kid runs toward the father to show him some cool new flower s/he found, the father smiles and pats it on the head, then sends him/her on its way.
that would be my nightmare. if i suddenly felt my maternal instinct kick in i wouldnt give into it if i was with the republican type of man described here. with a lot of men you can tell if they should be dads, if theyre not good with kids before a baby, they sure as hell wont give a shit once you have one. and god knows id need a lot of help cause i cant deal with vomit or diarrea or most gross things so i would need a partner, not a man in a suit off in the distance giving me money to carry on his name.

i would hate having that as a father, cause its not really a dad at all, so i wouldnt do that to my kid/s if i ever adopt/have any.

[Jackal]

You don't know what kind of dad they will be, or what kind of mom you will be, or what kind of person your baby will be.

I'm guessing that Dad wouldn't even bother to go to the park, and would instead talk the wife into going some place indoors.

[DrHibbert]

I think sometimes you can tell if people will be bad parents.

Like if they say "I hate kids. I hope I never have any. Oops, I just had one."

[Kelly Kapowski]

i'm pregnant

[cigar store indian]

can i have it?

[kendra]

BAILEY DON'T PLAY :(

[kendra]

PS IF it's true, this means you get to wear the shirt :O

[homer j. simpson]

D: what

aaagh a mutual friend of myself and laura is pregnant and possibly keeping it

she's skanky AND a complete drug addict and she's 17. she is irresponsible and she did hardcore drugs at the beginning of her pregnancy, meaning something is prob gonna be wrong with the child...people like that make me sick. if she has the baby it will most likely have an awful life.

[cigar store indian]

tell her to give it to me. or just steal it

[homer j. simpson]

hahaha i will steal it FOR you, seeing as i surely don't want it.

:[ poor baby.

[Narcissistic Nihilist]

You don't know what kind of dad they will be, or what kind of mom you will be, or what kind of person your baby will be.
Exactly.

To pre-judge someone's parental ability before they have children is, well, pre-judiced. It's a product on an extremely lazy brain.

You don't need to have a kid, however, to know that it is one of the most major things that can happen in a person's life and with such strong stimulus that affects a person mentally, physically etc so deeply, you have no idea what reaction you are going to get from the new parent.

Very few things mature a person quicker than parenthood, which is why its pretty dumb to make such blind assumptions on what kind of parent they would be.

[Intern Kate]

WAHT. Baileeeeee.

[Jackal]

I think sometimes you can tell if people will be bad parents.

Like if they say "I hate kids. I hope I never have any. Oops, I just had one."

Not at all. I hated kids and never wanted any. But life gets to a point where time is running out and you have to decide if you want to die never knowing what motherhood is about. And when you're 28, looking ahead at 45 to 50 more years of living, you re-think things.

My life was played out. Bars and dating were done, I was in a 12 year long, happy relationship, we had a home. Our friends were all married, some married women with kids and I had know these kids for 4 years. I was sober. Me and my friends were adults now.

So my choices were to either get a career and make money or experience a baby. I couldn't answer "no" to never having that, I would have regretted it. Work is work, I knew what that was about and it didn't seem fulfilling enough.
---

I believe I'm a good mother, everyone tells me I'm doing a great job.

[Jackal]

It was more of a life experience or scientic thing, more than I love babies, I need one to complete my life. I wanted to know what it was all about. Now I do. It makes the world a different place and changes everything about it.

Your parenting skills are the same as how you handle other people now. If you are introverted like me and my husband you have to work harder to connect with your child. If you are bubbly, active, fun and work well with others, and love spontaneous challenges, you will find it easier.

Whatever you are now, is what you will be like then. And it's nothing like taking care of pet, you think you care about your pet, but you don't even begin to know the meaning of the word care yet.

[kendra]

It seems weird to say "well it was between making money and having a kid" but sometimes that's how I feel. It makes me feel tired and annoyed when I think about just making money for a corporation for the rest o' my life.

ehhh i have no time to make this post worthwhile

[DrHibbert]

Ok well, everyone's entitled to their opinions. I know people who are terrible parents, and the fact that they are terrible parents isn't a surprise to me at all.

I agree to everything in elisabeth's post - people shouldn't nitpick about other people's parenting styles. But there is also a point where you can tell people are terrible parents and shouldn't have kids. I think everyone can agree that people who cannot avoid being extremely physically abusive should not have children. Children shouldn't go through physical or mental torture, no matter how much better or more complete it makes the parent feel to experience something.

[ramblingrose]

. And when you're 28, looking ahead at 45 to 50 more years of living, you re-think things.




oh shit.

[Static Split Screen]

Aww Ciona!

Bailey are you kidding us?

And yeah, our friend should NOT have her baby. She's effing 17 and can't even take care of herself, much less a baby, much less a baby that could have serious disabilities. Pah. On the other hand, if the baby is normal and she kept it she'd have to stay clean for a year at least so she might be able to turn herself around. But I don't know. I don't think she should keep it in the long run. What if she has it and can't stay clean? Not fair to the baby.

[Nak Nak]

There are too many children already, why is there talk of having more?

[homer j. simpson]

And yeah, our friend should NOT have her baby. She's effing 17 and can't even take care of herself, much less a baby, much less a baby that could have serious disabilities. Pah. On the other hand, if the baby is normal and she kept it she'd have to stay clean for a year at least so she might be able to turn herself around. But I don't know. I don't think she should keep it in the long run. What if she has it and can't stay clean? Not fair to the baby.

yeah i have high doubts that girl could even stay clean for that year. i wonder if her parents know yet and what the father is saying etc.

and craig, you do your race proud with that statement ;] muah!

[ramblingrose]

ugh, sad story.

[Jackal]

Ok well, everyone's entitled to their opinions. I know people who are terrible parents, and the fact that they are terrible parents isn't a surprise to me at all.

I agree to everything in elisabeth's post - people shouldn't nitpick about other people's parenting styles. But there is also a point where you can tell people are terrible parents and shouldn't have kids. I think everyone can agree that people who cannot avoid being extremely physically abusive should not have children. Children shouldn't go through physical or mental torture, no matter how much better or more complete it makes the parent feel to experience something.

Of course, I agree with you. Shitty people make shitty parents. But I thought we were talking about normal people. You can't assume that a calm, friendly, clean-living, hard-working man that appears to be a good candidate for fatherhood, will be a good dad.

[DrHibbert]

I think that's usually true, but yet there are circumstances where you can say with almost-certainty that someone will be a good parent. This is based on a lot of different things.

I also think many humans innately do a sort of mental calculation regarding the odds that the person's mate will be a good parent. When you live with someone and know someone for years, and consider them for a mate, you can likely determine on a more probable than not basis not only what type of parent they will be but how effective it will be. If you know a person well, this is not a difficult estimation.

In other words, people will in many ways be as parents as they are as people. Like you said, a (shitty) person will be a (shitty) parent. A smelly person will be a smelly parent. A disrespectful person will be a disrespectful parent. A nurturing person will be a nurturing parent. This doesn't apply in all regards to every attribute, but the mass sum of a person's habits and personalities WILL have an affect on what type of parent that person is.

It's not usually some bizarre warp into some other person as a parent. I understand that people change and major life changes make people rethink things, but you don't morph into a completely different person.

[Narcissistic Nihilist]

I think that's usually true, but yet there are circumstances where you can say with almost-certainty that someone will be a good parent. This is based on a lot of different things.

I also think many humans innately do a sort of mental calculation regarding the odds that the person's mate will be a good parent. When you live with someone and know someone for years, and consider them for a mate, you can likely determine on a more probable than not basis not only what type of parent they will be but how effective it will be. If you know a person well, this is not a difficult estimation.

In other words, people will in many ways be as parents as they are as people. Like you said, a (shitty) person will be a (shitty) parent. A smelly person will be a smelly parent. A disrespectful person will be a disrespectful parent. A nurturing person will be a nurturing parent. This doesn't apply in all regards to every attribute, but the mass sum of a person's habits and personalities WILL have an affect on what type of parent that person is.

It's not usually some bizarre warp into some other person as a parent. I understand that people change and major life changes make people rethink things, but you don't morph into a completely different person.
There are so many exceptions to that rule, that it can barely be considered a rule. I have known people to completely change with the onset of parenthood, due to the major changes it brings on I have seen shitty people become wonderful parents and vice versa. There is no way of knowing which way they will go beforehand. It is pretty random.

[DrHibbert]

The accuracy of the rule depends on the person being evaluated.

[Kelly Kapowski]

oh wait, sorry, i was lying!

[Narcissistic Nihilist]

The accuracy of the rule depends on the person being evaluated.

..which means nothing in actuality.

[cigar store indian]

oh wait, sorry, i was lying!

:grump:

[kendra]

man i have no idea if she just hates us all now for not believing her :O

the internet :( emo :(

[DrHibbert]

..which means nothing in actuality.

It could mean nothing or everything. I know people who fit perfectly - that is, by their attributes and characteristics I can tell that they are extremely likely to be a good parent. Just because you can find exceptions doesn't mean it doesn't work for a lot of people. As I understood it, the point was that you can never tell how a person will be as a parent - my point is not that you can always tell, but that in certain cases you can tell with great certainty. This is far from meaningless.

[Narcissistic Nihilist]

It could mean nothing or everything. I know people who fit perfectly - that is, by their attributes and characteristics I can tell that they are extremely likely to be a good parent. Just because you can find exceptions doesn't mean it doesn't work for a lot of people. As I understood it, the point was that you can never tell how a person will be as a parent - my point is not that you can always tell, but that in certain cases you can tell with great certainty. This is far from meaningless.

No. The whole reason it has no value is because if it is based on the individual and each case is seperate, then there cannot be a general rule as there is no common ground between them. I say you cannot tell anybody with any certainty at all. You can only "guess", and sometimes that guess might be right, but you cannot "tell".

[Jackal]

When you live with someone and know someone for years, and consider them for a mate, you can likely determine on a more probable than not basis not only what type of parent they will be but how effective it will be. If you know a person well, this is not a difficult estimation.


It's still guessing. I consider my husband to be a good parent. But he's not the type of parent I guessed he would be. He didn't change much at all. He never grabbed the reins with a take charge attitude to really be an important part of his child's life like I thought he would. He's very intelligent, I assumed he would use that gift a little in the area of parenting.

Example: a person that can build a computer should be smart enough to not leave tiny screws on the floor with a toddler.

I changed myself to be a better parent, and it did seem to happen instantly. My husband has remained the calm, carefree, relaxed guy he always was, but I have become an obsessed, uptight harpy that can't have fun for worrying about consequences of every action. I can't be in the now, because I've got my mind on what's coming ahead that I need to plan for. I feel like every decision that involves the child is left up to me. He let on, and I guessed it would be, an equal partnership like everything else was for the 12 years before.

But he's here every night, he works hard, he's there when I need him. But looking ahead, I see him and our son is going to have the same shitty, non-existent relationship we have with our dads. He could have worked harder to have a great relationship. He was/is so attentive to me, I thought he would.

I was stupid to believe he would change.

[Narcissistic Nihilist]

It's still guessing...
Yeah, I mean it doesnt affect the core of what you are, but I'm sure, genetically speaking, at the core everyone has the capability to be a good parent. If anything is going to make you a bad parent, it is not the person you have been/still are, but more likely the way you have been brought up. Those with bad parents are more likely to be bad parents themselves, but of course those people are also the more determined to be good parents and not be like their own.

At the end of the day, it is a subject you know well, which is more than pretty much everyone else on here.

[Alita]

(god, i haven't posted in such a long time)
I would like to have a baby in the future (i'm only 21 and still in college). I think two kids will be fine, since i think having just one makes them spoiled, but that's to decide after having the first one. An important thing to me is having an actual father for the baby.

In all the matter of the "bad mother" thing. Luckily my mom never cared about those stuff, and never really felt she wanted to be a better mother than hers (since she became an orphan by age 8 and was raised by aunts). One person did make her worry a lot after all. When I was little I couldn't pronounce the "RR" in spanish, so my kindergarter teacher told my mom to take to a specialist. I did learn to make the damned sound (and then forgot, haha, still can make a sound a-like)... the big trouble was that the doctor told my mom that i would never be good at school, and probably wouldn't make it into college. My mom was freakin worried about this... then as the years passed my mom realized the doctor was a total jerk, i was in the top of the class all the way in school, and ended up in one of the best colleges in my country.
Now that i think about it, my mom does give advice to new moms, but simple ones. Like taking really good care of the skin around the tummy and boobies, and stuff like that.

[Mary Alice]

(god, i haven't posted in such a long time)


and how we have missed you!

[Static Split Screen]

I think I'd be a pretty good mother, but I'm already such a worrywort I'd have to work not to coddle and overprotect them. Craig'll probably balance it out if I have a kid with him.

[kendra]

"IF"? ha

[ramblingrose]

I think two kids will be fine, since i think having just one makes them spoiled

Not necessarily, but it sure as heck made me lonely:(

[xangeleso]

Not necessarily, but it sure as heck made me lonely:(

To tell you the truth, that is one of my worst fears for my son. I try to overcome that with placing him in extracurricular activities.

:xo: Stef

[Alita]

I didn't meant it like ALL of them are spoiled... but quite a lot. My exboyfriend is and only son and sooooo spoiled, and so were my classmates in that situation.
Well... and I really like having two brothers. Now that we are all over 18 years old, we have become more friends like. Luckily it is this way, because I dislike my cousins/granma/granpa... and almost all of my relatives.

Mary Alice ^^ you're always so nice. I've away mostly because of college, but i always ended up here when i was tired of studying and didn't wanted to think about engineering stuff anymore xD.

[Jackal]

Your kids will only be spoiled if you spoil them. It doesn't matter how many there are.

You can tell when they want attention and when they don't, if you give them plenty of one on one time, they get what they need. If they seem down or lonely, you ask if they want to do something. But you also have to teach them that you aren't there to just please them and entertain them all the time too.

My friend has 2 kids and the second one isn't any easier than the first.

[Jackal]

Yeah, I mean it doesnt affect the core of what you are, but I'm sure, genetically speaking, at the core everyone has the capability to be a good parent. If anything is going to make you a bad parent, it is not the person you have been/still are, but more likely the way you have been brought up.

That is so true! So really, to pick a mate that meets your standards, you should study the parents of your mate and the interaction between that family. Love does blind you and make you believe in miracles. After 3 or 4 years, though, you finally grasp reality and understand what kind of parent the other person will be. You understand you aren't any better either. So you just band together and try to do the best you can.

It's creepy how we exhibit behaviors of our parents when dealing with our child. It's hard to break out of that and be better too. It's like you have to override ingrained urges and plan ahead what reactions and advice you will give in the future. You have to keep in mind what you find acceptable and what you don't, so when the time comes you can access what you should do, rather than just do the first thing that comes to mind.

[Herr Lipp]

...or in the other direction people who thought their own parents style was shoddy would do the complete opposite.

[ramblingrose]

To tell you the truth, that is one of my worst fears for my son. I try to overcome that with placing him in extracurricular activities.

:xo: Stef

I'm sure he'll be fine, I was always a little sad sack and probably would be if I had 9billion brothers and sisters. I feel it more now to be honest, my friends all get on with their siblings now and I don't have that, and my mum is an only child and recently her last relative apart from me and my dad died, it's just scary to think that one day it'll be just me.

[ramblingrose]

on a lighter note did anyone see the ace baby on You've Been Framed that fell into a cake? Brilliant!

[Static Split Screen]

"IF"? ha

I didn't want all the backlash of "omg you're too young to be thinking of kids at 18 with your first bf" :eyeroll: Plus I have a feeling I'm barren, don't ask me why, hopefully I'm just stupid and paranoid.

[cigar store indian]

My bro and his wife went out to arizona to be with my parents for new years with their 1 year old. My mom was telling me how crazy they are and the kid is a monster. She basically wants me to hurry and give her her first legitimate grandchild (shes not my bros biological mom.) I was alllll I know i'm old as shit, but its not gonna happen for a long time and even then, who knows. Then I threw in that I will probably be worse. :darn:

[gangsta puffin]

my mom gives me "have babies" crap all the time :|

[Narcissistic Nihilist]

That is so true! So really, to pick a mate that meets your standards, you should study the parents of your mate and the interaction between that family. Love does blind you and make you believe in miracles. After 3 or 4 years, though, you finally grasp reality and understand what kind of parent the other person will be. You understand you aren't any better either. So you just band together and try to do the best you can.

It's creepy how we exhibit behaviors of our parents when dealing with our child. It's hard to break out of that and be better too. It's like you have to override ingrained urges and plan ahead what reactions and advice you will give in the future. You have to keep in mind what you find acceptable and what you don't, so when the time comes you can access what you should do, rather than just do the first thing that comes to mind.

While all that is true, it is important to remember that they are their own person and won't do everything their parents did. Rebellion can never be underestimated.

[Narcissistic Nihilist]

my mom gives me "have babies" crap all the time :|

help

[kendra]

I didn't want all the backlash of "omg you're too young to be thinking of kids at 18 with your first bf" :eyeroll: Plus I have a feeling I'm barren, don't ask me why, hopefully I'm just stupid and paranoid.

Don't worry about it (either thing). There ARE lots of "high school sweetheart" couples out there, despite the overwhelming cynicism that abounds. Fertility is a tricky subject but my approach - pre trying to conceive - is to not stress about it. That can only hurt!

[elisabeth]

Plus I have a feeling I'm barren, don't ask me why, hopefully I'm just stupid and paranoid.


:eek:
I have the same irrational fear.
I think maybe because I am very careful about birth control so I've never had a single scare.
Not once.
Makes me wonder all the time "Did I use up all the good eggs already?"
I mean, it is silly.
As far as I know I'm healthy –
girly exams are always good –
no endometriosis or anything that would really lead me to wonder if I might not be able to have one on my own.

:scared:

[Lalique]

It was more of a life experience or scientic thing, more than I love babies, I need one to complete my life. I wanted to know what it was all about. Now I do. It makes the world a different place and changes everything about it.

Your parenting skills are the same as how you handle other people now. If you are introverted like me and my husband you have to work harder to connect with your child. If you are bubbly, active, fun and work well with others, and love spontaneous challenges, you will find it easier.

Whatever you are now, is what you will be like then. And it's nothing like taking care of pet, you think you care about your pet, but you don't even begin to know the meaning of the word care yet.

did you ever stop to think about the child you would be bringing into the world? what if your "experiment" turned out to be one that you completely regreted? what sort of life would that result in for the kid? it sounds like you basically had a kid, not really sure that you wanted one, because you couldn't think of anything else to do.

[Jackal]

Every time you think "I wonder what my kid will be like?" You are thinking of it in an experimental way without the child in mind. All those little day dreams of you and your baby, or your future family are your idea of what a family is, and has nothing to do with your baby.

First of all I spent 12 years specifically taking precautions to not have a child. Fully with the child in mind. Thinking of your unwanted childs life is just as important as thinking of a wanted childs life. Any woman that keeps herself from having a kid, is thinking about it.

I could think of a billion things to do, I wanted to try to be a mother. I don't regret him, and nothing was like I thought it would be. I did take into consideration what type of people we were and our lifestyle, our relationship, if we were intelligent enough. Our bank account. Yes, we thought too much about everything that could ever happen to the kid in this world before we had him. We planned what to do if he had medical problems. It wasn't a light, easy decision, it was torcherous.

We discussed if we should add to the population. We are smart enough to see why we shouldn't. That doesn't stop people from having 5 or 6 kids, so why should the population keep us from having one. It's not the people with one kid that's the problem. If all the smart people stop having kids to control the population, then isn't the human race just going to get stupider?

Why you want a kid, or how long you've dreamed of having one, or if you think you'll be good or not, are just thoughts. And all bullshit. Nothing that happened before your kid is born matters, what matters is what you do after its here.