Post Humorous Quotations

[brainiac]

...From anything. Music, literature, whatever floats yer boat. Or tickles your funnybone.

This is from No More Shaves, a collection of stories told to ethnographer David Greenberger by elderly men living in nursing homes, and set in comic-strip form by various artists:

"Robots are mechanical men. They walk around, they set the table and don't say nothin'. They bring you your underwear and they put you to bed. They take out a cigar and smoke cigars. They stand there and watch you. Mechanical men. Christ, they wash windows, shovel snow, give you a cigar, and put out the lights, and then they wave good night."
- Larry Green

[brainiac]

Also from No More Shaves:

"The Selective Service officials probably ended up with extra supplies of that drink Tang.

"During the conflict years from 1936 to 1948, 1949 they were advertising that when you go into the Army, Navy, Coast Guard, Marines, or National Guard they'll supply the Tang for you, a glass every morning.

"I never saw one glass of Tang."

[Kinbote]

From Michel Houellebecq's Whatever:

...On the sexual plane, on the other hand, my success is less resounding. I have had many women, but for limited periods. Lacking in looks as well as personal charm, subject to frequent bouts of depression, I don't in the least correspond to what women are usually looking for in a man. And then I've always felt a kind of slight reticence with those women who were opening their organs to me. Basicially all I represented for them was a last resort. Which is not, you will agree, the ideal point of departure for a lasting relationship...

...It may be, dear reader and friend, that you are a woman yourself. Don't be alarmed, these things happen. Anyway, it changes nothing of what I have to say to you. I take the rough with the smooth.

My idea is not to try and charm you with subtle psychological observations. I have no desire to draw applause from you with my finesse and my humour. There are some authors who employ their talent in the delicate description of varying states of soul, character traits, etc. I shall not be counted among these. All that accumulation of realistic detail, with clearly differentiated characters hogging the limelight, has always seemed pure bullshit to me, I'm sorry to say. Daniel, who is Herve's friend, but who feels a certain reticence about Gerard. Paul's fantasy as embodied in Virginie, my cousin's trip to Venice...One could spend hours on this. Might as well watch lobsters marching up the side of an aquarium (it suffices, for that, to go to a fish restaurant). Added to which, I associate very little with other human beings.

[vaya con dios]

"Writing about music is like dancing about architecture - it's a really stupid thing to want to do."

- Elvis Costello

"Get smart and I'll fuck you over - sayeth The Lord."

- Frank Zappa

"...it seems a stray bullet actually pierced the testicle of a Union soldier and lodged itself in the ovaries of a woman standing approximately 100 feet away. She's alright, the baby's doing fine... of course the soldier's a little pissed off..."

- Tom Waits

[Nak Nak]

That whole "Lovely Bones" book is hilarious in its ineptitude and sentimentality.

[Kinbote]

Originally posted by RosegardenMercury
in the beginning there...that sounded like a bit from Albert Camus' The Fall...I recommend it.

I suspect that's due to both being translated from French.

Houellebecq is swell; Camus was a composer of vile nonsense.

[Kinbote]

Originally posted by Nak Nak
That whole "Lovely Bones" book is hilarious in its ineptitude and sentimentality.

You read through the whole thing, mom?

[Nak Nak]

Originally posted by Kinbote
You read through the whole thing, mom?

It may not surprise you for me to tell you that I only read 20 pages!

[Mark E. De Sade]

Originally posted by vaya con dios
"...it seems a stray bullet actually pierced the testicle of a Union soldier and lodged itself in the ovaries of a woman standing approximately 100 feet away. She's alright, the baby's doing fine... of course the soldier's a little pissed off..."

- Tom Waits Haha, I love 'Big Time'.

[Squirrel]

I :heart: Douglas Adams:

"If somebody thinks they're a hedgehog, presumably you just give 'em a mirror and a few pictures of hedgehogs and tell them to sort it out for themselves."

"Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?"

"Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast."

"The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."

"The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at and repair."

"We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem."