four boyfriends

[ramblingrose]

Really all it is is an attempt to think of an alternative to lifelong monogamy that doesn't result in misery and broken lives.
The reason I think traditional marriage doesn't work is that it's highly unlikely that one person is ever going to be "enough", as far as our expectations go. I'm not saying that it doesn't happen for some people, but the odds of finding someone who you're sure enough of to happily forsake all others forever are relatively small. And I'm not trying to make an issue out of this part but for women, if you want to have children you've only got a few years to find someone.
So the best I can come up with at the moment is that you perhaps "collect" people who serve different purposes, which sounds really cold and horrible, but I'm taking jealousy and stuff out of the equation for purely hypothetical (with the emphasis on "pathetic") reasons.

[ramblingrose]

If you wanted to have a child with somebody you could enter into some kind of contractual agreement about your parental responsibilities, and the same if you wanted to live with somebody. Everything would be above board and everybody would know about everybody else.
There is obviously no way this would work but can anybody think of a better idea?

[Jackal]

Since I've been with the same man for 22 years, I can only say, I don't think people were meant to marry and then spend their whole lives together.

It works for us, but we do work at it. It's not natural to never flirt or feel attracted to another person. A lot of supressing and ignoring goes on and it feels like your on a leash and you can only go so far. I guess that ball and chain thing. I don't want to have sex or get involved with anyone else, but when there's only feedback from one person for years it does make you wonder what other's would think of you. You may be very happy but still wonder if your missing out.

Now. I'll have to plan my answer for what I think could work and please everyone all around.

By the way, wonderful topic! :)

[ramblingrose]

Originally posted by Jackal
It works for us, but we do work at it. It's not natural to never flirt or feel attracted to another person. A lot of supressing and ignoring goes on and it feels like your on a leash and you can only go so far. I guess that ball and chain thing.

That's sort of what I've found. I loved my last boyfriend to distraction and I still couldn't tell you why, because we really didn't get on very well. I felt like I was constantly having to work at not annoying him, there were whole parts of my brain that lay fallow for almost the whole time we were together. Since I broke up with him I'm so much more enthusiastic about everything because I'm not worried I'm going to piss somebody off for liking something he doesn't or whatever.

[Jackal]

EEkk. I had to come back and say that I don't have any regrets about my marriage or husband before someone thinks I am just a typical wife complaining about my situation. Because I'm not. I wouldn't trade this life over another at all. I don't see my relationship as a "ball and chain" horrible ordeal. I think it's been wonderful!

[Jackal]

I totally understand that. I know what he doesn't enjoy (loud Smashing Pumpkins!) and so those things I don't do when he's home. I do wonder if I'm walking on eggshell's trying to make him happy or if I'm just being considerate.


Ok. I don't want to mess up your thread with my junk.

[Narcissistic Nihilist]

Ah, relationships are always compromise and give and take, pros and cons etc etc

I normally try to avoid them, but Im happy with Meghan, if not the fact we are thousands of miles away most of the time. Goddam fucking ocean! :mad:

[Herr Lipp]

I think my parents are on the verge of splitting up! My old man keeps pissing off my old girl, but sometimes I find her really annoying and feel for my dad, and then other times I feel sorry for her because my dad can be a Grade A Cock. But.... I don't know hopefully they will sort themselves out, it's only my Mum that's thinking about/threatening to leave. I won't be crushed or anything like that, but it would be shit. They're supposed to grow old together, for fucks sake! Inconsiderate bastads.

[ramblingrose]

My parents spent most of the eighties and nineties hating each other but since my dad stopped work they're alright. Though my mum does say if she had her time again she wouldn't have done it, and most of her friends seem to think the same. I don't know how well they're going to get on when my mum retires though, I think my dad is going a bit senile as it is and he's going to drive her crackers.

[Herr Lipp]

I think it's easier for families with under-13's say. They most definitely have something in common. But when the kids get older and are out half the time sniffing glue and tagging bus stops and whatever it is kids get up to nowadays, it must be a bit of a shock drifting back to the pre-children stage of a one-to-one relationship. Meh, I dunno, I think they'll be nobheads if they do split up, they still love each other. My mum's just your average woman - talks too god damned much and my Dad gets grumpy more often than he used to - surely a classic male trait? I'll just bash their heads together or something if they don;t behave.

[ramblingrose]

This is all a bit depressing...has anyone got any alternatives to a life of saying "yes dear" and spending the family allowance on gin?

[Herr Lipp]

Oh you're an idealist now. But give it 7 years, if you still haven;t settled down, you'll be crying out for a man to knock you up and make baked goods for, trust me.

[ramblingrose]

Are you volunteering, Fraser?

[Herr Lipp]

you're a bit old for me.

what the fuck am i saying?!

[Herr Lipp]

also, i dont know if I want my babymother to be an indie head :lol:

[ramblingrose]

Originally posted by Walter Sopchak
also, i dont know if I want my babymother to be an indie head :lol:
Yes, I think that could be an "issue" myself. I'm not sure if I want any children anyway, but I certainly don't want children who do handbrake turns in Wickes' car park.

[Herr Lipp]

LMAO

You think that little of me? I only pull up the handbrake in the rain, and just for laughs man. You will have kids. I'd put money on it.

[ramblingrose]

Originally posted by Walter Sopchak
LMAO

You think that little of me? I only pull up the handbrake in the rain, and just for laughs man. You will have kids. I'd put money on it.

What is LMAO? I don't know this jive you young cats have.

[Herr Lipp]

laughing ones arse off.

and dont give it to me Ciona, you know you'd love me to buy our baby a Burberry pram

[Jackal]

As for the four boyfriend theory... I think collecting a set of people to fit your every whim, or aspect of life would be logical. Of course you would have to take all the emotional aspects out of the equation, because the person doing the collecting mainly wants a bunch of robots to fill her needs and wouldn't care about what the men wanted in return.

Avoiding lifelong monogamy or marriage and instead having many boyfriends, either at the same time or one after the other, sounds like as many problems as spending your life with one person.

I've watched alot of girlfriends and my sister with the dating thing over the years and it looks pretty brutal.

[ramblingrose]

We're screwed either way, aren't we? sheesh it's depressing. There's no way I could do the four boyfriends thing anyway, if I really like someone there's no question of me shopping around, as it were. I don't know. I've got a vague plan that when I'm about 40 I'm going to get a house with a garden, some dogs and cats, and then be like Mia Farrow and take in the children of the world. Without the Woody Allen craziness, of course.

[Jackal]

Aww,,you're so sweet!

I believe everyone should just be happy and do whatever they want. We both lived at home for the first 3 years, then we moved in together but I stipulated that we would live together like room-mates instead of a married couple. So we kept our finances, groceries, laundry, cooking all seperate. It was like that for about 9 years. Then when we got pregnant and married I took on all the responsibilities of doing his laundry and cooking dinner and stuff and we combined our finances.

Relatives and most people thought that was pretty weird but it worked rather well, we never had any fights about money or my cooking, or usual problems that plague a relationship.

[ramblingrose]

That's kind of encouraging but depressing at the same time.

[Fab]

Originally posted by ramblingrose
We're screwed either way, aren't we? only if you want to be

[ramblingrose]

You are tipsy, birthday boy? I hope you didn't start any sex riots in York, it could do untold damage to the tourist industry.

[Fab]

i tried to start one in a fountain, i took some washing up liquid to make it foam and everything, but it was more of a masturbation riot.

god, i should shut up. i just said i wanked in a foamy fountain in york :(

[ramblingrose]

Don't shut up, I'm waiting for my computer to hurry up with some music for stuart and you're entertaining me. That made me laugh lots.

[Fab]

nope, i think i'll go and voluntarily pass out.

[ramblingrose]

Fair enough, but make sure you take your shoes off first!

[Jackal]

Well, being in this relationship means total monogamy to us. No flirting, no messing around, no hugging, no time spent with other people. Done and done. No testing the boundries or acting on any feelings. It's black and white-no grey areas.

No one else exists. Those are the rules.

[ramblingrose]

Yep, I don't think so-called 'open' relationships work. Or they work for one person but not the other.

[ramblingrose]

Originally posted by Fab
i just said i wanked in a foamy fountain in york :(

I'm amazed you got this back on topic after that bombshell.

[Jackal]

Yeah, but if you like someone and you flirt and then feel like they are funner to be with than your partner, you have a huge problem.

Before I had the ring on my finger, I had different ideas about things and took that fun, flirting too far, which hurt my partner badly. The second time, I was set strait and was told that all that behavior was not working for him and if I wanted him, I would never do that behavior again.

I know other people exist, and can see there are some beautiful people out there. You are correct, we are insecure. Temptation is hard and trusting oneself isn't the easiest in some situations. So maybe we have to ignore everyone to avoid messing up. I do. And it's not that I want anyone else, or that I'm not happy with him.

Plus, I feel the same way he does, I wouldn't like him hugging other women or spending time with them. One person is enough if you learn to get what you want and need from them.

[Fab]

Do you not even hug people as a greeting? I'm quite insecure really but wow.

[ramblingrose]

I'm always touching my friends (in an appropriate way of course). I couldn't cope with not being allowed to. I don't think there's anything wrong with mild flirting either. You're always going to find other people attractive, it's what you do about it that matters.

[Jackal]

Well hugging as a greeting is different, that's fine!

I don't feel like I'm being clear, I keep sounding like I'm fighting some sort of urges that plague me everyday. I haven't felt the need to flirt for like 15+ years or so. And no one ever flirts with me so it works out!

I think even mild flirting is just asking for problems.

[Fab]

Phew, if you're saying that what you don't do is sit for prolonged periods in other people's arms then I agree with you. I'm a terrible flirt myself, and I touch my friends in inappropriate ways.

[ramblingrose]

Originally posted by Fab
I'm a terrible flirt myself, and I touch my friends in inappropriate ways.
If I'd been entirely truthful before that's what I would have said.:-o
But if I'm going out with someone I take care not to go too far or upset them or anything. It's never really been a problem and I'm very trusting in return (although I am possibly an idiot for being this way).

[Fab]

Originally posted by ramblingrose
If I'd been entirely truthful before that's what I would have said.:-o
But if I'm going out with someone I take care not to go too far or upset them or anything. It's never really been a problem and I'm very trusting in return (although I am possibly an idiot for being this way). you minx, you!
Same though, if I was with someone I'd stop touching my friends inaproprately.

[ramblingrose]

I'm so unminxy. I'm more like a clumsy kitten.

[Fab]

meow

[ramblingrose]

I've just been amazingly nice to somebody I really don't like and who doesn't deserve it. I know kindness is supposed to be its own reward but it doesn't feel very rewarding at this moment.
I have no idea what thread this is. Sorry.

[ramblingrose]

Originally posted by ramblingrose

I have no idea what thread this is. Sorry. :catface:

erase and rewind!

[Cool As Ice Cream]

Originally posted by ramblingrose

The reason I think traditional marriage doesn't work is that it's highly unlikely that one person is ever going to be "enough", as far as our expectations go. Maybe relationships shouldn't be about meeting all expectations.

[ramblingrose]

Originally posted by Cool As Ice Cream
Maybe relationships shouldn't be about meeting all expectations.

Well exactly, but since we're force fed all the happily ever after bobbins most people tend to expect too much. I'm not a crazy perfectionist or anything, but it seems like a lot of other people are.

[Cool As Ice Cream]

Originally posted by ramblingrose
all the happily ever after bobbins i have no idea what you're saying here.

[Jackal]

There's no "happily ever after" crap. There's no soul mates, ideal partners, dream girl's or boy's, or one person out there that's going to complete you. There's no one that will ever live up to any fantasies you have about married life.

Girl's are fed alot of bullshit about how Prince Charming exist and when you find him you'll know and then for the rest of time life is perfect.

You may feel all that though for 3 or 4 years before the love wears off.

You know how your co-workers (or bands) get on your head over time, and you start to hate them for things you first thought were funny or cool. Same thing with marriage.

[ramblingrose]

Originally posted by Jackal
Girl's are fed alot of bullshit about how Prince Charming exist and when you find him you'll know and then for the rest of time life is perfect.


Oh so true. The Bridget Jones thing gets on my nerves as well.