?

[anti]

(if you are up there .... and if heaven is boring enough that every now and then, you get curious about us suckers down below who still think and wonder about you....please send answers....)


is there anything inside anyone at all?

are people ever more than cocoons, more than incubators for the nastiness that is always wiggling its pointy legs inside, waiting for the chance to get out?

is'nt all love inherently selfish?

is life nothing but a choice between being addicted to the emptiness, or being addicted to the temporary things we imagine can fill it?

can someone up there design a meet up for all the people on earth who know we are empty, so we can touch and love and fight and fuck until we have filled ourselves somehow?

is death like endless dreaming, or is it more real than that?

can a romantic fling in a dream fulfill the emotional cravings of the waking self?

is there a way to dream forever?

why didnt god make us incapable of loving those who cannot or will not love us back?

did god make some of us incapable of love on purpose?

will beating your head against a concrete wall accomplish more, in the long run, than beating your head against a proverbial one?

even if i dont look both ways and walk slowly, why do cars still swerve to avoid me? are the drivers are concerned about me, or do they just want to avoid the incessant nagging of an arrogant conscience in the long run?

why does touch matter so much?

why do we feel loneliness in that little spot where our ribcages meet - why cant we feel it in our ears, or our toes, or someplace else where we could, conceivably, have it amputated?

how do people start over?

how do they leave

others

behind?

[Barbara]

why do we feel loneliness in that little spot where our ribcages meet - why cant we feel it in our ears, or our toes, or someplace else where we could, conceivably, have it amputated?

That made me laugh and feel depressed at the same time...

..I've been missing him a lot lately too

[Summergirllv]

this post sums up so many of the ways i am feeling today.

:(

[Anjy]

Beautiful prose anti. :heart:

[anti]

:-o
















:love:

[melle]

:-*

[nebular]

:'( it's like, really really sad and funny, but most sad, but funny too, but....

[dajxd]

!

[taraldor7]

"why do we feel loneliness in that little spot where our ribcages meet - why cant we feel it in our ears, or our toes, or someplace else where we could, conceivably, have it amputated? "


I find that to be extreamly clever...!
:eek: :-D

[anti]

its good to know someone else who struggled to get out

even when they were already out

because fear makes you its bitch everywhere, i know...



i wonder what "out" feels like now?



and i hope somewhere, somehow,

right now,

you can see clearly, think clearly, sing clearly -

no more chemical haze,

no more nightmares.



wherever that place is...

will you keep an eye on an empty spot?

maybe i could sit with you,

because i dont know anyone

and no one knows me.

[anti]

you

will always be

my



man in the moon




and i

will always look for you

no matter how overcast

the sky

[ParentheticalThought]

Anti - Are you trying to get out or are you trying to get in? :(

[RyanLoveall]

Thoughtful. I really liked reading this.

[anti]

why do i always see shades of you in people who

wont

love

me

back?





(and why do i pretend they miss me despite all that?)





am i pathetic?

desperate?

ridiculously lonely?

terrified of fucking up?



in love with an imaginary friend?



all of the above?????

[anti]

dear deity (excuse the gender ambiguity.....no one down here seems certain what gender you are, if you have one at all....),


if you are up there/out there/anywhere.... do tell me why it's so easy for some to

win

and so easy for some to

lose

and you don't get to pick which one you get to be...

how can you create us all as equals

how can you say you love us all the same

and then give some a ladder up

and dangle others

by a string

(with no safety net at all)???



from now on, why don't you just make those who are predestined to lose idiots....so stupid that they don't even know what they are missing...


intelligence is nothing but a curse for those who cannot use it properly ... its just a mocking reminder of the losing hand you were dealt

by a deity

(whoever you are)

[kim]

Originally posted by anti
why do i always see shades of you in people who

wont

love

me

back?





(and why do i pretend they miss me despite all that?)





am i pathetic?

desperate?

ridiculously lonely?

terrified of fucking up?



in love with an imaginary friend?



all of the above?????



:heart:

[anti]

i know its been a while

but please...help...



when you were young

when you first gave up

could anyone have changed your mind?

cuz someone here is breaking

breaking

and i can't pick up the pieces fast enough

im so clumsy i keep slipping and

i dont wanna fuck up



does it help to know that others believe

when you have lost faith in you?



and when it all comes crashing down for real

how can it not matter

that others are caught beneath the rubble



or can't you see us?

did you know we were there?



does he know im there?


:(

[anti]

dear boy b (with sidebar to fucker a),

i dunno how this is gonna work out...but
i hope things are cool and
its whatevs, people come
and people go
but at least im still me a little
its not like i have a vested interest
(well, maybe)
so pull yourself together, or don't -
anyhow, im being stupid
and i gotta go
somewhere, anywhere
maybe now i wont be so scared
maybe i will
but no one will notice
if i dont know anyone
will they?

so many paths
so many walls
so little life

and if i disappear
(if god cuts me a fuckin break)
dont think of me
cuz there are no roads to my door
ill be your conscience
but only when

im gone.

[anti]

hey

i know its been a while

s'been forever an i dunno why i jus haven't had time to be

me

cuz its been all fightin

you know how it goes



s'not that i don't miss u

when i skip your songs on random i

can't afford to be sad sometimes an

the sun is so damn hot an

i jus wanna have a rainy day to sort things out


lost two friends to the rock this month

one gonna serve 6 months in county

one gonna hide from cps

i can't hate em like their dad does

gonna put money in the commissary and hope everythings ok

eventually


got me to thinkin', tho

does it change your perspective?

(bein on the other side, i mean)

do u see now what others told you then


s'weird cuz

sometimes i feel like i can see it, too

see the big picture

an how i'm wastin' this whateverihave

but hey

potential

don't

mean

shit.


anyways.....

jus wanted to say hi

to hear a voice

you know


hope you are okay

hope you are still holdin that seat


(thanx & much love)

bye

[fake concerns]

:heart:

i'm sure
he's listening
and has saved you
a seat for that
"someday"

xo