so flawed and drunk and perfect still

[solveig]

i don't know about a statue
but what about
a tower of words
words of love
of anger or worry
disappointed words
admiring words
of people who knew you
as a conflicted human being
and not as a statue

[solveig]

"Elliott may take turns here and there, and run into dead ends. But he has a way of maintaining himself and his integrity. He's quiet, but potent."

Gary Smith

[solveig]

"He was the best brother I could have hoped for, the best person I ever met."

Ashley Welch

[solveig]

""You don't have this quality of writing without a certain amount of wherewithal and strength."

Jon Brion

[solveig]

"Sometimes he was medicated, sometimes illegally. Sometimes he was drunk. Sometimes he was a great friend."

Larry Crane

[solveig]

"Listen to Elliott's records long enough and you can almost see him; the same is true of Rufus. The devotion fans have for Smith - I haven't seen that in years."

Lenny Waronker

[solveig]

"I’ve known Elliott for a long time. And when I first met him I thought he was a talented musician - but I know a lot of talented musicians; I never thought he was the MOST talented or anything. But he’s just pushed himself and grown as a musician pretty intensely over the years and I’ve been able to watch it from close range and that’s extremely instructive - musically - but it’s also gratifying to see a friend and associate pick himself up like that and get a wider recognition."

Sam Coomes

[solveig]

"He was very sensitive. He was one of those bright, animated, thoughtful kids that you liked having in a class."

David Bailey

[solveig]

"As roommates, we were a great match if you like to be depressed all the time. It seemed like he was addicted to being sad. I think he worried that if he wan't sad, he wouldn't be able to write songs anymore."

Sean Croghan

[solveig]

"His depression was a fundamental part of who he was, which is not to say that he moped around. On the contrary, at times his suffering enabled him to understand the suffering of other people. At times he was able to draw upon his experience as a means of relating to others, and part of his depression enabled him to provide others with a vocabulary for talking about things they themselves didn't understand completely. When he was depressed he felt, as he would often say, more like himself than when he was not depressed."

Garrick Duckler

[solveig]

" I don't want to talk about the last three years. That's not how I'm going to remember him."

Rob Schnapf

[solveig]

"He was very soft and very childlike at his birthday party in July. I mean, he had been through so much stuff since he had moved to L.A. and he had changed so much. His personality had really changed and he had really hurt himself over the period of time that he lived here."

Lou Barlow

[elisabeth]

Why all this belief in suffering for art?
What is with this fixation?
Or the supposition that there must be suffering for the art to occur —
Does that come after the suffering begins?
The supposition, or knowledge, or whatever the hell you want to call it?
That's what I want to know.
Which comes first
or maybe it's just a coincidence



I doubt I could find that question in a statue
It'd have to be one helluva statue

[solveig]

"He almost shunned the stardom. I was with him many times when people recognized him, and he never got used to it, or really liked it. He never settled into fame, which ultimately fed his sadness."

Christopher Cooper

[solveig]

"My memory of Elliott isn't of a stupid junkie shadow of his former self. I remember the guy who was always cracking jokes."

Pete Krebs

[Hummingbird]

elliott's art is born of more than suffering.

[sombre winds]

People have written and claimed that Elliott’s cult status of celebrity brought on so much of the darkness that shrouded his perception and made his life one existential dilemma after the next, but the truth of the matter is that he was more disturbed by a lack of limelight than too much of it.
Nelson Gary

[solveig]

"He was really bad at staying in touch."

Larry Crane

[solveig]

"He always talked about suicide. He made me promise that I wouldn't be mad at him. He just talked about it as if it were going to happen."

Dorien Garry

[solveig]

"He told me many times that he would never commit suicide. But then , he told me he wouldn't do crack. And then he did."

Mark Flanagan

[solveig]

"We had a lot of fun together. And it was extremely rewarding. Sometimes, working with him would be intense - it could be extremely intense - but there was always a payoff."

Rob Schnapf

[solveig]

"To Elliott, life was a very beautiful and brutal place, and his songs were that ground in between."

Luke Wood

[solveig]

His last three years were his hardest struggle to stay alive; it kept getting worse and worse and worse"

Steve Hanft

[solveig]

"Elliott left behind the torch for others to pick up that will inspire the next generation. I think when Kurt Cobain died, Elliott picked up the torch. Not everyone was meant to stick around that long. He left us with a legacy, and he'll become a legend. We're lucky to have had him."

Mary Lou Lord

[solveig]

"I was always poking my head in going, 'Can you play "Alameda" tonight?'" "He'd go, 'Well, um, we really don't know that as a band yet so I don't think so.' And then he'd be sitting outside my room. He'd play the whole thing by himself so I could hear it."

Ben Folds

[sombre winds]

It's hard not to comment on some of these quotes from people who weren't around him his last few years but act as if they were. Sorry.

[solveig]

It's hard not to comment on some of these quotes from people who weren't around him his last few years but act as if they were. Sorry.

well, no one's implying
that this is gospel
(maybe the opposite actually)
so if there's something
you want to comment
just comment

[solveig]

"He was really admirable as a person and as a star. There's so much bullshit around, so many unhumble people who are all about the glitz and the glam and the bullshit. What we lost is a very, very, very, very truthful, honest star - I think both as a person and as a musician, as an artist. It's really sad because he was just brutally, brutally honest. And very smart. And if you put the two together, it's undeniably appealing."

Russell Simins

[solveig]

"Elliott was hard to find. He kept telling us the wrong places to meet him."

Steve Hanft

[solveig]

"I think every once in a while people get real tired of being steered toward some next big thing, and they realize that they need great songs and they'll always need them. And great songs come without an expiration date. I never thought of Elliott as a folk musician. It always seemed to me to be genuinely a punk rock thing, and that's partly in the DIY sense and partly because it was just confirmation of the notion that punk rock is about a kind of directness and a rawness and a sensibility, and not the size of the amplifiers and the way someone's dressed."

Jem Cohen

[solveig]

"It would be fair to say that his desire to hurt, injure or destroy himself was indomitable. To say that his death was somehow inevitable would be a way that people who watched him die over many years attempt to comfort themselves."

Garrick Duckler

[seamonster]

"I don’t recall him smiling very much. But I never got the sense that he was either humorless or determined not to smile. He just seemed to be thinking hard about something."

Mark Pittman (childhood acquaintance)

[solveig]

"He would play these loud rock'n'roll songs and then go backstage and pull out his acoustic guitar and just be doing these intricate finger picking things. And I thought 'Whoa, he's got a lot more up his sleeve that he's not showin'."

Sam Coomes

[solveig]

"Somehow, miraculously, Elliott would often appear when it was time for me to take out the garbage and ask me ever so quietly if he could help. He told me he would bring me some of his music and though he never did, I know he would have. He made you want to hug him, to know him and to be close to him, even for a minute, made you feel something. He was something special and I knew it. And for such a smaller person, his spirit was big, you could feel it through the walls, even though the music was never too loud, you could feel the intesity of it."

Caroline

[my*maya*papaya*]

"Somehow, miraculously, Elliott would often appear when it was time for me to take out the garbage and ask me ever so quietly if he could help.
Caroline


OMG! I thought Elliott was perfect before now I'm SURE of it. LOL! What a sweet guy.

Was this quote from a neighbor?

[llaurens]

Ten days before Elliott died (with Val, who was a major force in helping him in his healing process, no longer by his side), many of my friends, including Jerry, saw Elliott. By all accounts, he was doing well. He had come out of the darkness to twilight, then his life tragically ended.

Nelson Gary

[pianissimo]

"I have a little bit of an older-brother feeling about him because I got to know him years and years ago when he still lived in Portland. I always felt kind of protective - I think everybody did about him."

John Doe

[Hummingbird]

"...Shaquille O'Neal landed on Elliott! Just right on top of him! Elliott was like this little kid, saying things like, "I wouldn't have cared if he had hurt me! What a great story to tell people!""

Mark Flanagan

[sombre winds]

Eventually, Elliott did understand that forgiveness was not a weakness, but a means to transcend a situation. It was true that no one could abuse him the way he had been abused as a child, but what he perceived to be the truth was that he had continued a ritual form of abuse with addiction and other behaviors by allowing his abuser free rent in his head: he had continued the abuse his perpetrator had long since stopped.
He also had to work on forgiving himself for years of allowing this pattern to continue on the basis of his own free will. He learned that forgiveness means taking one’s power back by stopping the pattern that the violator initiated.

[solveig]

Was this quote from a neighbor?

studio neighbor

[solveig]

"His lyrics were always sort of cryptic to me. I knew there were songs about drug addiction, and I knew because of his attitude that he had suffered from depression.
"He was happy that 'Good Will Hunting' was a popular movie and thought it was odd for him and me to be associated with it. It was one of the times that his mom could say, 'This is what my son does,' because his music wasn't the sort of thing she would listen to. So he was really happy to be part of something mainstream because of his mom."


Gus Van Sant

[solveig]

"Elliott wouldn't have been caught dead with his shirt off."

Fritz Michaud

[solveig]

"He showed me a bad scar on his chest."

Larry Crane

[solveig]

"The talent show was in a big church filled with people and there were all these different acts, and one of them was a tap dancer, tap-dancing to 'Yankee Doodle Dandy' all dressed in red, white and blue. And Elliott played 'Blackbird' and I was stunned, and I thought maybe it was just me, but after he finished playing there was a hush, and then this warm applause filled the hall. It was the first time I knew, whoa, this is where he's going. The end of the story is, they chose somebody to go on a national talent show, and the person they chose was the tap dancer, tap-dancing to 'Yankee Doddle Dandy'."

Gary Smith

[solveig]

“Although he didn’t win, Elliott played guitar and sang the song at the awards ceremony. That has special meaning for me and Alice and our family.”

Bill Berryman

[llaurens]

It's so funny that here is this guy we all love who had, you know, one of the most beautiful minds for seeing the world in analogy, and therefore it made conversing with him a deep human pleasure, but yet at the same time he had that intense combination of heaps of self-doubt and self-assurance.

Jon Brion

[llaurens]

Elliott was sort of actively involved in his own sort of mythmaking, and I think he was interested in that, and it was something that I kind of frowned on. I always felt like I didn't want to facilitate that too much. Um... for various reasons, but I have to question if there isn't some sort of petty reasons for it.

Sam Coomes

[llaurens]

He became dependent on having people say "you're okay" and it was weird because it came to a point where I told him "I'm not gonna tell you you're okay anymore because you're not telling me you are okay: all you're saying is "Am I okay, Sean?"[...]
I guess it's not a happy part of Elliott, but it's a real part of Elliott. There were such great parts of his personality that were overshadowed by his sad thing, but there were also really negative parts of his personality that were overshadowed by his sadness. He had a selfishness that developed due to his attitude of "I'm so dependent now on outside support. I can't support myself because...well I don't know why." I don't know why he couldn't, either. It made him unable to support himself.

Sean Croghan

[llaurens]

We talked all the time about how as kids we wanted to be giant rock stars, you know, and he would say, "I wanted to be a giant rock star, I still want to be a giant rock star, I want people to know who I am."

Sean Croghan

[llaurens]

I don't believe he killed himself.

Mark Flanagan

[fake concerns]

Three years before he died is the point where I knew... I remember the conversation. I remember his inability to speak coherently. I remember realizing he had gone too far. He had consumed too much. It felt like the person I loved wasn't home anymore. And the filter that normally exists between the soul and the rest of the world was so mangled... I knew it, and it hit me hard.

Jon Brion

[llaurens]

"His girlfriend Jennifer called me last week and asked if I'd like to come to L.A. and help mix and finish [Smith's album]. I said yes, or course, and chatted with Elliott for the first time in ages... It seems surreal that he would call me to finish an album and then a week later kill himself. I talked to Jennifer this morning, who was obviously shattered and in tears, and she said, 'I don't understand, he was so healthy."


Larry Crane

[llaurens]

"In the Smith case, there were certain things -- both anatomic findings and circumstances -- that were suggestive of suicidal death and pointed down that road, while there were other things that were less consistently associated with suicide and suggested the possibility of homicide. There was nothing that tipped the scales one way or other. The mode of Suicide has great psychological impact for those left behind, and carries with it a negative social stigma reflecting on the decedent, so it is not a mode I assign lightly. If there are elements that cast some doubt on this mode (outside of someone saying "he just wouldn't have done that"), then I prefer to give the decedent the benefit of that doubt. I also would not want to assign the mode of Homicide without reasonable cause to do so.

In this case, there was truly no clear cut way to assign the mode of death. For the above reasons, after due consultation with Dr. Lakshmanan Sathyavagiswaran, the Chief Medical Examiner, we felt it was most prudent to be cautious and leave the mode Undetermined. This mode can be changed should convincing evidence for either Homicide or Suicide turn up at a later time. Unfortunately no significant additional information has come to light to date, which is why the mode remains Undetermined."

Dr. Scheinin

[llaurens]

"And he also had another thing which, you know... everyone will attest to this, I think, any of us who knew him when he was on... long before he sunk and long before he left the planet... a lot of people who were close to him had a kind of love for him that you reserve for very few people in your life. He generated that kind of feeling in numerous people that I can think of. And it didn't take some bad events to make some people reflect and think, "This is somebody I really care about." It was usually instantaneous and heavy."

Jon Brion

[llaurens]

"But I thought to myself, "Well if you're going to really care about this person, you have to be prepared for the fact that he might not make it.""

Autumn de Wilde

[solveig]

"And he also had another thing which, you know... everyone will attest to this, I think, any of us who knew him when he was on... long before he sunk and long before he left the planet... a lot of people who were close to him had a kind of love for him that you reserve for very few people in your life. He generated that kind of feeling in numerous people that I can think of. And it didn't take some bad events to make some people reflect and think, "This is somebody I really care about." It was usually instantaneous and heavy."

Jon Brion


:O

[solveig]

''Los Angeles didn't do anything to his songwriting. He's still Elliott. I just knew a lot of people were wondering what was going on.''


Joanna Bolme

[solveig]

"He also explained to me that the circuit rider, who the song is about, is in love with two women. The circuit rider feels extraordinary guilty and depressed with his heart severed in two, but he is also elated with the amount of love he shares with these women. We had this conversation without Val in our company. He confessed to me that the song’s central complexity of emotions was autobiographical. Rather excitedly, he informed me that what was to become From a Basement on the Hill was going to be a concept album about this subject."

Nelson Gary

[solveig]

"He knew there were a lot of Portland people who wanted him to be here, and wanted to help him. The last time we hung out, there were four or five os us sitting there, begging him to move back. He had doctors in L. A. prescribing him handfuls of pills. He had a thousand little yes men down there - any young, aspiring rock star in L.A. would only be too happy to go out and acquire anything Elliott wanted to ingest and give it to him. He had people who wanted to help him, but he made a stupid decision, and a selfish decision. He wasn't a sad, fragile little boy. He was a man."

Sean Croghan

[solveig]

"Elliott personified Portland. He was quiet he was dark, and he had kind of a rainy personality."

Christopher Cooper

[solveig]

:hate:

"People think they know all these things about other people, and if you ask them why they think they know that, it'd be hard for them to be convincing."

Elliott Smith

[solveig]

Under some dirty words on a dirty wall
Eating takeout by myself
I played the shows
Got back in the van and put the Walkman on
And you were playing
In some other dive a thousand miles away
I played a thousand times before
And like pathetic stars, the truck stops and the rock club walls
I always knew
You saw them too
But you never will again
It's too late
Don't you know
It's been too late
For a long time
Elliott, man, you played a fine guitar
And some dirty basketball
The songs you wrote
Got me through a lot
Just wanna tell you that
But it's too late
It's too late
No, don't you know
it's been too late
for a long time
Oh no
Things were looking up
Least that's what I heard
Oh no
Someone came and washed away your hard-earned
Peace of mind
When desperate static beats the silence up
A quiet truth to calm you down
The songs you wrote
Got me through a lot
Just wanna tell you that
But it's too late
It's too late
No, don't you know
It's been too late
For a long time
It's too late
It's too late
No, don't you know
It's been too late
For a long time

Ben Folds

[fake concerns]

The thing is, I’m not really sadder than anyone else. I’m happy at times. I’m not always sad and I’m not always happy. After all, most people aren’t incredibly happy all the time. People have their own stuff that they constantly try and make better, and so I’m just trying to be a better person... The purpose of unhappiness is to point your life in a better direction, where you make things better. Otherwise there would be no point to being unhappy, it would just be a place that is brutal.

Elliott Smith

[llaurens]

"I think with Elliott, it's word of mouth; because the media is too slow to catch on to people with that sort of talent. You know? 'Cause it's not a hyped-up, corporate record and word of mouth is crucial. And playing live."

Ray Davies

[llaurens]

"The injuries sustained by Smith could have been inflicted by the decedent himself or by another person. The coroner was unable to determine which occurred … due to incomplete knowledge of the circumstances surrounding the death."

David Campbell

[llaurens]

"But that was his plan all along. He wanted me to get knocked down. He wanted me to get up. He wanted me to do it myself. I learned a lot that day. I miss him very much. And he will be missed by many others. It’s like my friend Scott said, "He belonged to so many people." I think that is a great thing. This was just one story. There’s a million more out there."

Aaron Espinoza

[llaurens]

Elliott’s passing is a terrible loss for myself and many of my friends, who knew, worked and hung out with him. Needless to say, he was one of the best songwriters of our day and a formidable musician. He was also soft-spoken, intelligent and extremely humble. He had an acute sense of justice. At one of my shows last year he tried to intervene with security who were harassing a kid, and was in turn beaten and handcuffed by them. We knew he’d had his struggles over the years, but I was heartened by word that he was on an upswing and preparing a new album. We had recently talked a few times about getting together and making some music. Nobody could have known what was going to happen, but I am grateful for the times we got to tour and hang out together. He will be missed, and the ramifications of his absence will long be felt.

Beck

[llaurens]

"Once he trusted me, he trusted me consistenly in regards to his image and the video and the photos. He was a wonderful, exciting person to work with. We didn't have any creative disagreements. We only moved upward and onward with our ideas. It just was really sad that there were so many ideas left over that I didn't get to use, that were ... are reserved just for him"

Autumn deWilde

[llaurens]

"He was my best friend and he became iconic, and people couldn't get enough of him, and you didn't know - is he still my friend? But he would show up and of course he was, he's Elliott, he didn't treat me differently. Not totally differently. He made sure I knew that our relationship was intact. There was a lot of respect, and humor; but it was very frustrating to be around other people who were jockeying to get in. He would open himself up to them because he was such a compassionate person. He didn't want to judge, so sometimes he opened himself up to really disgusting people. But he also wanted the attention.
[...]
He made his own choices. He chose those weird, dark-sided people. When he bought the myth of being a rock star it was just unbelievably disappointing."

Neil Gust

[solveig]

"upward and onward "
Autumn deWilde


:-D

[solveig]

"When he was a little boy he hated to get dressed up, to wear button-up shirts. I asked him once why he didn't like to dress up. He said it was because the buttons smelled bad."

Bunny Welch

[solveig]

"I sang and told him stories even before he was born. He talked a blue streak when he was very little. He loved stories and songs and would make them up and entertain us constantly. As a child, he was always for the underdog."


Bunny Welch

[solveig]

"You wouldn't think that he cared about his appearance from the clothes that he wore, but he would sometimes try on outfits for half an hour to get to the right combination of faded cords, T-shirt and baseball cap."

Andrea Manning

[solveig]

"Elliott and I always spent time together when we could, and worked together when we could. There's a lot of stuff that I recorded and betted with. He was in fairly rough shape those last few years. He was just marching around with tapes, erasing things and adding things and God knows what. With that, it was a different thing. By the time we were supposedly making a bit of a record, I was essentially watching a friend fade from the world. So really, that's my memory there. Other than that, I hold onto all the lovely memories of how fantastic he was when he was present; as fascinating and lovely a human being as you could ever imagine."


Jon Brion

[solveig]

“It’s literally the most important thing in the film. Elliott is like a character you can’t see. I can only compare the way his music works in the movie to Simon & Garfunkel’s songs in The Graduate.”

Minnie Driver

[solveig]

""Elliott, on top of being one of the people who made me want to make a contribution musically, was also a very amazing and generous guy...He was a big inspiration for us."

Blake Sennet

[solveig]

http://74.125.39.104/search?q=cache:cijieildy_4J:www.mtv.com/overdrive/%3Fvid%3D162368+ted+leo+elliott+smith&hl=fr&ct=clnk&cd=1&gl=fr

Ted Leo

[sombre winds]

http://74.125.39.104/search?q=cache:cijieildy_4J:www.mtv.com/overdrive/%3Fvid%3D162368+ted+leo+elliott+smith&hl=fr&ct=clnk&cd=1&gl=fr

Ted Leo

Can you find the story? If it's the pop one, I've been looking for it and this link doesn't work for me. I love that one.

[pianissimo]

I have not learned the art of quoting from one thread and posting in another, but this was from ktothebbc's thread on Ted Leo:

POST FROM TED'S SITE:
"October 22, 2003

Almost ten years ago, my old band, Chisel, was on our first full US tour. Nothing west of Chicago was particularly well attended, but that never really gets me down -- I try to keep hopes up but expectations low. Anyway, what was getting me down, was a certain lack of respect I was often feeling from people in a lot of places, which reached a real boiling point in Portland, Or., at a place called the "O," where we were being treated less than kindly by the promoter. It was summer, and very very hot inside the club. We attracted about 20 people that night, and played a pretty ripping set, if I remember correctly, during which I asked the promoter if I could have one of the 7-Ups he was selling for a quarter each from a cooler at the back of the room. He said, "For a quarter!" I thought he was joking, but he wasn't. I sputtered through the sweat dripping down my face and across my mouth, "Well... Can't I pay you after we're done playing? Can't you take it out of our pay?" He just stared at me, then made some quip about, "What pay?" Which, since we'd only drawn 20 people, was a legitimate question, granted, but I was kind of dumbfounded -- I couldn't believe that he was going to not only NOT offer me a soda for busting my ass on stage, but was going to embarrass me in this way in front of an audience that was actually there to see us as well. I had a serious existential crisis at that moment. What the fuck am I doing here? Why am I giving it up in this way every night? Why are people so petty in their power struggles? Is this all there is? Just then, a person stepped out from the 20 person crowd, put a quarter in the promoter's hand, and walked the soda up to me on stage.

It's largely due to that small gesture that I'm still playing music today, and in years to come, I got to know that person better, and count him as a friend. That person was Eliot Smith. And though I know he's now free from the very real demons that were gnawing at him... Man, I think I'm going to miss him very very much. My love to his other friends and family, and my love to you all. Spare a thought for Eliot today."

[llaurens]

“Smith wasn’t the easiest persona to work with because of his problems. The worst thing ever to happen to Happy Ending was Elliott getting involved. The production of the single became the focus of all of Smith and Chiba’s relationship problems: people began to speak of their relationship as furiously difficult, similar to the infamous and ultimately disastrous liaison between Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen."

Sean Organ

[llaurens]

"Yeah I remember one conversation we were having and Elliott would just say, "ya know... I could just all these pills right now and that would be it.." He was just....[shakes her head] There was this one time when Elliott was staying with us in LA and he ran up to the roof of my apartment and was going to jump off. And I mean, the place wasn't that big--it was like 4 stories so I mean, he wouldn't kill himself if he ever did jump... I just remember his girlfriend running after him. It was really a terrible situation. But what was interesting was that when he would talk about music, he became a completely different person. It sent him into another world, calmed him down. It was amazing really. He loved it. I mean, who has more talent than elliott smith right?"

Hollis Queens

[llaurens]

"True Love is a lyric driven song. This is the oldest one that we’ve heard so far. This is from that record I was going to throw away. I still might. Those weren’t very happy days. It was a long time ago at this point."

Elliott Smith

[solveig]

I have not learned the art of quoting from one thread and posting in another, but this was from ktothebbc's thread on Ted Leo:

POST FROM TED'S SITE:
"October 22, 2003

Almost ten years ago, my old band, Chisel, was on our first full US tour. Nothing west of Chicago was particularly well attended, but that never really gets me down -- I try to keep hopes up but expectations low. Anyway, what was getting me down, was a certain lack of respect I was often feeling from people in a lot of places, which reached a real boiling point in Portland, Or., at a place called the "O," where we were being treated less than kindly by the promoter. It was summer, and very very hot inside the club. We attracted about 20 people that night, and played a pretty ripping set, if I remember correctly, during which I asked the promoter if I could have one of the 7-Ups he was selling for a quarter each from a cooler at the back of the room. He said, "For a quarter!" I thought he was joking, but he wasn't. I sputtered through the sweat dripping down my face and across my mouth, "Well... Can't I pay you after we're done playing? Can't you take it out of our pay?" He just stared at me, then made some quip about, "What pay?" Which, since we'd only drawn 20 people, was a legitimate question, granted, but I was kind of dumbfounded -- I couldn't believe that he was going to not only NOT offer me a soda for busting my ass on stage, but was going to embarrass me in this way in front of an audience that was actually there to see us as well. I had a serious existential crisis at that moment. What the fuck am I doing here? Why am I giving it up in this way every night? Why are people so petty in their power struggles? Is this all there is? Just then, a person stepped out from the 20 person crowd, put a quarter in the promoter's hand, and walked the soda up to me on stage.

It's largely due to that small gesture that I'm still playing music today, and in years to come, I got to know that person better, and count him as a friend. That person was Eliot Smith. And though I know he's now free from the very real demons that were gnawing at him... Man, I think I'm going to miss him very very much. My love to his other friends and family, and my love to you all. Spare a thought for Eliot today."

:yes:
that's the one

[solveig]

"He was very uncomfortable in his skin, but he was very confident about what he liked and what he believed in, and his music. He knew he was good."

Autumn de Wilde

[solveig]

"Before I knew who Elliott Smith was, I knew him as this very quiet guy that had discovered the bar (at Luna) and would stay there till closing or near closing most nights, writing constantly in a journal with some kind of dark whiskey drink on the rocks or straight-up in front of him; he always had some kind of bourbon or something like that in front of him. Week after week after week."

Rob Sacher

[solveig]

"He put the cool back in folk. He adored punk music and he was attracted to that darker element. The fans were so adoring - the sad kids."

Mary Lou Lord

[llaurens]

“He was incredibly optimistic and healthy at the end, and I know he was clean”

Luke Wood

[llaurens]

“He had tried to kill himself before. He showed me a bad scar on his chest. But people told me he’d been doing better. His father said he’d been calling regularly. So I was really excited to spend time with him and Jennifer.”

Larry Crane

[llaurens]

"It's become pretty apparent that no matter what I really do or say, there are certain ways that people are going to perceive me. And it's just gotten to the point where I can't do anything about it, so I don't worry about it that much. I just make up songs that to me feel human. And they're bound to be seen by some people as confessional or depressing, some sort of real one-way assessment that is not how they are to me. I don't worry as much as I did before. There's no point in me trying to control stuff like that."

Elliott Smith

[sombre winds]

“He had tried to kill himself before. He showed me a bad scar on his chest. But people told me he’d been doing better. His father said he’d been calling regularly. So I was really excited to spend time with him and Jennifer.”

Larry Crane

In reality he had no scar on his chest. Must have been a misquote from Larry. Check the "nude" photos or the coroner's report.

[llaurens]

“He had a lot of animosity toward his stepdad. I think he felt pretty hurt by him. The way he described it, he wasn’t a very good dad.”

David McConnell

[Hummingbird]

"...the people that were really friends with Elliott always questioned whether or not they were. They saw how Elliott went from best friend to best friend every night. He would just go somewhere and spill his guts, and that person would think that he or she and Elliott Smith had had a poignant evening.

That was what my first experience with Elliott was. I just happened to know better, that I wasn't special in his life."

Autumn de Wilde

[solveig]

“The inconsistencies in the pleadings, specifically with respect to the issues relating to severability, create a record on which the conclusion that the primary purpose of the parties in entering the agreement was the personal relationship, and that the illegal terms were secondary and could be abandoned while all of the other terms of the agreement remained enforceable, is not mandated.”

Laurie D. Zelon

[Hummingbird]

"There was a spirit of pushing things & challenging our own & other peoples' expectations, & that really came from Elliott, though Janet & I took a lot of flack for our role in all this, as we were cranking up pretty loud & playing pretty fast. How could we be so insensitive to his delicate, intimate songs? It was Elliott's idea."

Sam Coomes

[solveig]

"Even now, it sort of feels like I'm the disappointment because I can't play any one thing very well. I'm not a very good guitar player. I try to do a lot of things but that's not the same thing as being technically good. But I don't mind; the price to pay for being flawless is inhumanity. I like being the way I am, but I can't play like they can. I don't have a lot of contact with these people in my family."

Elliott Smith

[solveig]

"Three or four days before his death, it seemed to me that killing himself was probably the farthest thing from his mind. I mean, he was a kind of dramatic sort, so I can imagine that maybe he got swept up in some kind of drama in his mind and it got the better of him. He talked about suicide a lot. But he had told me 'I still have some more work to do, I'm gonna hang around.' I always felt like it was probably part of his neuroses and part of what fueled his inspiration was toying with the idea of leaving the planet."

Aaron Sperske

[ParentheticalThought]

"I don't try to shut things out, because I don't think that works very well. I prefer to let things come on in and do whatever its going to do and then leave. If a big wave is coming at you, you're gonna get wet. You can either withdraw into a little shell and pretend that you're not getting wet, or you can just get wet and dry off. That's a corny metaphor, I guess, but that's how I deal with things I don't like. I outlive them."

Elliott Smith






....And every wave is tidal - if you hang around you're going to get wet....

[llaurens]

He was so excited about finishing the Cd on going on tour again. I got to work with him in the studio a few times,
and we would talk whenever we saw each other and he ALWAYS brought up your letters.
You all made a big difference in his life.
Don't believe that he killed himself. Don't believe he wasn't clean. Don't believe he wasn't happy
Peace and love,,

Cody

[solveig]

"He was recording Figure8. He wasn't doing drugs at all, I think I would have been able to tell. He was drinking, but not even that much. I was going out every night to visit friends and he wasn't; he was at home working on stuff."

Mark Swanson

[solveig]

"For the people who knew him, the people who were around him, it was horrible. It's not this glamorous, jetsetting, beautiful lifestyle that everybody dreams of rock'n'roll heaven being. It wasn't like that at all. It was ugly. It was sad."

Wayne Coyne

[Hummingbird]

"His eyes got wide, and he looked at me as if he'd seen a ghost, and said, 'My stepfather used to take me up to the attic. That's all I remember. I don't remember what he did.'"

Andrew Morgan

[Hummingbird]

"Elliott was kind of all or nothing. When he decided to drink, he drank really heavily. When he decided to do heroin, he did a lot of heroin. When he decided to do crack, same thing. And when he decided to stop taking everything - same thing again. He wanted to be normal the day he stopped. He decided one day that being heavily medicated was just as bad as an addiction to heroin or crack and said, 'I'm going to stop.' He didn't go from taking 15 pills a day to 14 the next day to 13 the next day. He woke up one morning and took two pills. Half of America is on antidepressants, and everyone knows you don't quit - you wean yourself off them. Elliott just woke up and quit taking them."

Robin Peringer

[sombre winds]

"Elliott was kind of all or nothing. When he decided to drink, he drank really heavily. When he decided to do heroin, he did a lot of heroin. When he decided to do crack, same thing. And when he decided to stop taking everything - same thing again. He wanted to be normal the day he stopped. He decided one day that being heavily medicated was just as bad as an addiction to heroin or crack and said, 'I'm going to stop.' He didn't go from taking 15 pills a day to 14 the next day to 13 the next day. He woke up one morning and took two pills. Half of America is on antidepressants, and everyone knows you don't quit - you wean yourself off them. Elliott just woke up and quit taking them."

Robin Peringer

Another not quite truth but oh well. He was still on them when he died so he didn't just "quit" and was weaning off.

[llaurens]

Many people have deemed From a Basement on the Hill as little more than a musical suicide note. In tandem with this article, I believe that by having the poem, which he asked me to write, published on the internet that a well-needed spin will be placed on the popular interpretation that is not only facile, but also, to a large degree, damning of his bravely honest work: one portraying the painful, heartfelt and rewarding struggle to heal after years of abuse as opposed to report it as he had on previous albums.

Nelson Gary

[llaurens]

"I haven't done anything yet that I'm ashamed of, I'm bound to f-- up sooner or later. Everybody does."

Elliott Smith

[llaurens]

"I'm really glad they like (the songs), I get super-attached to other people's songs, too.
But there's only so much you can know about someone based on the songs they sing, or a painting they made. You can know a little bit about someone if they tell you about the dream they had last night. You still don't know what they're like during the day."

Elliott Smith

[llaurens]

I was with Elliott less than 2 weeks before his death. He was not "well". He was in severe physical and emotional pain. He had his collarbone broken recently and he complained to me that it hurt to swallow, speak and breath. As far as sober. I do not consider being on anti-depressants sober. I am not saying that they do not work for some people (others not so much).

Ross Harris

[llaurens]

He was a lot of things. Asshole was not one of them.

Ross Harris

[ParentheticalThought]

I was in Reykjavik when I called home and Kath told me what had happened...one of his songs had played in the club not 15 minutes before...I responded with tears "Why'd he have to go do that?"...but I know why, he'd been suffering for a long time.

Lou Barlow

[solveig]

"Speaking with him reminded me that once I had gone head-to-head with Elliott Smith, musically speaking. It was the Byrd Junior High Art Contest, open to all grades. I was a pretty good pianist, so I thought I might have a chance of winning. I wrote a piano piece that sounded like a runaway train in an avant-garde film. I still think it’s pretty good. I wrote it out on staff paper, and there were a lot of notes. I was sure to win.
But when the results were published, who wins but good ol’ Steve Smith. And he wins first place with…a love song. The music and lyrics are published in the school paper. I look at the sappy thing, unbelieving. How could Paul McCartney and Wings beat Arnold Schoenberg? I immediately question the intelligence and taste of the administration, and resign myself to a life of poverty and the highest artistic standards."

Mark Pittman

[solveig]

you only hurt the one you love
that may be true
but better said you only hurt
the one who loves you
we went through hell
just to get to hell
die of thirst or drink up
from the poisoned well
if i kept things inside
at least i never lied
i'm not trying to document
my suicide
you won't live long
but you may write
the perfect song
please excuse
those who choose
to not play along

Sam Coomes

[solveig]

"I was around Elliott days before his death and he obviously was in great need of help. He had knife marks on his arms that were really deep and fresh. He wore a short-sleeved shirt almost a cry for help. Or at least that's what it seemed like to me. His girlfriend basically spoke for him. He wasn't receiving his messages from recovering addicts that telephoned him, Jennifer would always say he'll call you back. He expressed to these people he never knew they called. What's the truth and what isn't I don't know."

Nadine

[waltzNo1]

"Speaking with him reminded me that once I had gone head-to-head with Elliott Smith, musically speaking. It was the Byrd Junior High Art Contest, open to all grades. I was a pretty good pianist, so I thought I might have a chance of winning. I wrote a piano piece that sounded like a runaway train in an avant-garde film. I still think it’s pretty good. I wrote it out on staff paper, and there were a lot of notes. I was sure to win.
But when the results were published, who wins but good ol’ Steve Smith. And he wins first place with…a love song. The music and lyrics are published in the school paper. I look at the sappy thing, unbelieving. How could Paul McCartney and Wings beat Arnold Schoenberg? I immediately question the intelligence and taste of the administration, and resign myself to a life of poverty and the highest artistic standards."

Mark Pittman

:dance: This is nice. I am really curious which song Elliott wrote for that contest. "... a love song" :band:

[my*maya*papaya*]

"I was around Elliott days before his death and he obviously was in great need of help. He had knife marks on his arms that were really deep and fresh. He wore a short-sleeved shirt almost a cry for help. Or at least that's what it seemed like to me. His girlfriend basically spoke for him. He wasn't receiving his messages from recovering addicts that telephoned him, Jennifer would always say he'll call you back. He expressed to these people he never knew they called. What's the truth and what isn't I don't know."

Nadine

I hope Chiba gave him his messages. :(
This makes me mad when I hear stuff like this. When I get bad (bipolar) my family takes me to the hospital. Like in The Big Nothing (if it true) how someone was saying that he kept trying to OD. HELLO, even if he gets mad at you I feel you have a responsibility to get him help. It's called "being a danger to yourself" and they can and will commit you for it.

[llaurens]

"His collarbone was broken during a confrontation with security guards at a Beck concert. Not during the altercation immediately before his death. The injury at the Beck concert preceded his death by a year.

[...] That is interesting that it didn't show up on the report. He was complaining about it and visibly wincing when I last saw him. Another mystery to add to the pile. I wish the only mystery was when his next record would be out. "

Ross Harris

[Guest]

"In my mind, I could totally see it being like, 'Hey I'm outta here, I'm gonna do a shot and OD - game over, see ya'. But it's another thing to actually pierce yourself in the heart with a fucking knife. And that's what we've all been talking about. It's really weird that he would do it that way - or could do it that way."

Steve Drozd

[Hummingbird]

"I was around Elliott days before his death and he obviously was in great need of help. He had knife marks on his arms that were really deep and fresh. He wore a short-sleeved shirt almost a cry for help. Or at least that's what it seemed like to me. His girlfriend basically spoke for him. He wasn't receiving his messages from recovering addicts that telephoned him, Jennifer would always say he'll call you back. He expressed to these people he never knew they called. What's the truth and what isn't I don't know."

Nadine

"He had three really tremendous knife wounds on his left arm. They were deep, like he had to go across a couple of times or have the sharpest, biggest knife to do it."

Robin Peringer

"I came home from seeing Lost in Translation and he was lying in the bed with his arm bleeding. He had seven old cigarette burns on his arm. It was evidence of his pain from that period that was just a little too real, so he'd taken a knife to it."

Jennifer Chiba

[solveig]

"He had three really tremendous knife wounds on his left arm. They were deep, like he had to go across a couple of times or have the sharpest, biggest knife to do it."

Robin Peringer

"I came home from seeing Lost in Translation and he was lying in the bed with his arm bleeding. He had seven old cigarette burns on his arm. It was evidence of his pain from that period that was just a little too real, so he'd taken a knife to it."

Jennifer Chiba


i know - nadine was supposed
to be talking only shit
& still...

[solveig]

"He used that term [prescription] in some of his poetry, and I've used it in some of my poetry. It has a lot of symbolism, both negative and positive."

David McConnell

http://i292.photobucket.com/albums/mm12/solveigsmile/prescription.jpg

[seamonster]

"He was one of the more complex people I had ever met, harsh, funny, fucked-up, jock-hating, fast-picking, paranoid, abused and abusive, worldly, intelligent and insanely generous."

Imaad Wasif

[llaurens]

“I get really upset when people say dumb, ignorant shit about him being murdered. It’s just ignorant!”

Robin Peringer (telling the harrowing story of cleaning up the blood throughout Elliott’s house after the suicide)

[llaurens]

"I seriously hope he's okay and that he gets his sh*t together. But it would not surprise me at all if Elliott Smith ends up dead within a year."

Glorious Noise

[llaurens]

"It was huge, totally, it completely affected everybody. We pretty much stopped touring for the most part because of that. We just went back home because it didn't seem like there was any point at the time."

Aaron Espinoza

[llaurens]

"He really put himself through the psychological wringer in order to produce a certain kind of art. It was such an interesting attempt to use emotional turmoil to your advantage as an artist."

Benjamin Nugent

[llaurens]

"The new record is probably the most sad because it doesn't sound like a man at the end of his rope. It's just a very, very bright light. It's an amazing record! In terms of development over the course of several records, it's sort of his Abbey Road."

Chris O'Riley

[llaurens]

"Chiba still lives in the apartment she shared with her late boyfriend, and why not? She lived there for years before he moved in. Still, you shiver under the watchful gaze of the neighbors – or something. Did Smith want to be here? And now does he have any choice?"

Kimberly Chun

[sombre winds]

"He had three really tremendous knife wounds on his left arm. They were deep, like he had to go across a couple of times or have the sharpest, biggest knife to do it."

Robin Peringer

"I came home from seeing Lost in Translation and he was lying in the bed with his arm bleeding. He had seven old cigarette burns on his arm. It was evidence of his pain from that period that was just a little too real, so he'd taken a knife to it."

Jennifer Chiba

I can believe he was cutting since he was no longer taking medications that might reduce that. But it's interestng that the marks weren't severe enough to be noted by coroner.

[Hummingbird]

Yes, indeed. Especially since the coroner seemed to describe the cigarette burns.

[llaurens]

"A small slight laceration is noted to the palm of the left and right hand and another slight laceration is noted under the upper right arm as well. No additional external trauma is noted during the preliminary visual examination."

Lisa Scheinin


"Smith was a "cutter", it could explain the "possible defensive wounds".

Robin Peringer

[sombre winds]

"A small slight laceration is noted to the palm of the left and right hand and another slight laceration is noted under the upper right arm as well. No additional external trauma is noted during the preliminary visual examination."

Lisa Scheinin


"Smith was a "cutter", it could explain the "possible defensive wounds".

Robin Peringer

Interesting- still the cuts Robin describes are not the ones the coroner describes. Cutting one's palm is as rare as stabbing oneself twice in the heart.

[solveig]

"Elliott was very happy, always laughing, very upbeat, cracking jokes all the time. There was no sign whatsoever of anything like this happening."

Robin Peringer

[solveig]

"Fame is equated with some sort of superhumanness, and it's bad. It's not that you have to be different from everybody else to be good at something. If you really feel different from everybody else, well, there's a lot of people in the mental hospital who really feel different, you know?"

Elliott Smith

[llaurens]

"Elliott was very happy, always laughing, very upbeat "
Robin Peringer

and a cutter?? :rolleyes:

[sombre winds]

Just a comment on cutting- it's a form of tension reduction that is associated with those who experienced abuse as a child and who never learned healthy self soothing or ways to cope with intense emotions. It released endorphins - the body's own opiates.
Drugs and alcohol are also tension reducers used for the same reason. If someone has stopped using drugs without developing healthy ways to deal with emotions, cutting or burning is likely. Especially if they're in a stressful environment.

But it doesn't mean that someone who cuts doesn't have times of feeling good or enjoying life.

[llaurens]

"Yeah, he was a wonderful, nice, caring, funny guy. He had some rough patches, which are well-documented, but I thought he was a total sweetheart that just felt things a bit too much, y'know?"

Kliph Scurlock

[solveig]

"No one can deadpan lyrics about 'giving head' quite like Lou Reed."

Elliott Smith

[solveig]

"When we were on tour together in 2000 and a couple of other times, he just broke down on me - I mean, everybody cries, but he was losing it really bad. It'd be six o'clock in the morning, we'd be drunk on the tour bus, and he'd just start crying his eyes out about the weirdest things. And I'll be honest, every time I saw him after that tour, it got progressively worse. I think staying in L.A., he was doomed."

Steve Drozd

[llaurens]

"Smith, who earned an Academy Award nomination for best original song in 1997 for his song “Miss Misery” which appeared the film Good Will Hunting, began a romantic relationship with Chiba during the summer of 1999..."

Steven M. Ellis


"Jennifer stated she has known the decedent for four years and has been dating him for over one year."

Detective King

[llaurens]

“I was the scapegoat, the easy target. Nobody wants to blame a beautiful, intelligent, talented guy like Elliott for his own problems, so let’s blame this girl that he likes.”

Jennifer Chiba

[Hummingbird]

"I was going to move to New York, but now I'm not. This is where I'm from, and I'm going to stick with it."

Elliott Smith, 1997

[llaurens]

"Don't be afraid of freaking some people out... "

Elliott Smith

[sombre winds]

"Smith, who earned an Academy Award nomination for best original song in 1997 for his song “Miss Misery” which appeared the film Good Will Hunting, began a romantic relationship with Chiba during the summer of 1999..."

Steven M. Ellis


"Jennifer stated she has know he decedent for four years and has been dating him for over one year."

Detective King

I love your ability to find the contradictions in peoples claims.

[llaurens]

"But to most of those who maintained a relationship with Smith through his recovery and were close to him when he died, Chiba “wouldn’t hurt a fly,” was “sweet and watchful and affirming” with Smith and “helped in his rehabilitation.”

Liam Gowing


"There was a dark force in Elliott's life and it wasn't him, drugs or depression, as far as I could tell. But this is only my perspective so I could be wrong. It even had a name, but I won't say it and I won't even give it a sex because that's not the point. The point is the dark force did exist for whatever reason and it did have a huge part or hold on Elliotts life.[...]
The force was around a lot more often after that and I would smile, but I always had that uncomfortable, little girl fear inside. The force had black hair and dark squinting eyes and the whitest of skin, beautiful in a haunting scary, kind of way. The force seemed arrogant and entitled and that made me uncomfortable."

Caroline

[solveig]

"L.A. is pretentious and lonely."

Elliott Smith

[solveig]

"Departing on the ill-fated tour to support Figure 8, he confided in Chiba, then just a friend. 'He said that he'd wanted to kill himself many times but didn't want his mother to get a phone call one day saying that he'd done it, so he was going to commit 'socially acceptable suicide', the slow one - alcohol and drugs - because he knew that would eventually destroy him."

Spin

[solveig]

"The question Smith's songs posed was, 'How could you do this to yourself?' - or 'How could I do this to myself?' Taking his songs as cautionary tales sells them short. They have less to do with avoiding the wrong path than figuring out what to do when you end up there. Telling someone 'nodoby broke your heart, you broke your own 'cos you can't finish what you start' carries the implicit demand to cast aside victimhood and take responsibility for the consequence of your actions.
These sentiments come bathed in a teeth-grit disappointment, again tinged with a kind of defiance. The people his songs picked apart have ultimately committed the crime of squandering potential. Smith doesn't say you crawling on your belly; he calls you a 'future butterfly'. Without saying it plainly, each song is a little call to arms, asking the lost souls of the world to pick themselves up and make themselves better. We all feel like lost souls sometimes, and to hold out, even in the most desolate moments, some hope for redemption is on the one hand hard to bear, but on the other hand the deepest kindness.
Songs about death are also songs about life. The bleakest depiction of the human ability to sink into degradation also carries its inverse image, the chance to take broken pieces and make a functioning whole. After the mourning, Smith's music remains - with its opportunity for us to do as he said, not as he did."

Wayne Lewis

[llaurens]

"It's a lot easier to tell the truth usually."

Elliott Smith

[llaurens]

"There's always that argument to make -- that you're in better company historically if people don't understand what you're doing."

Elliott Smith

[solveig]

"You know, some people do drugs, some people exercise. People find all kinds of ways to get out of the humdrum repetitive nature of having to be the same person all the time. But it might not be very interesting to write a song that describes the experience of jogging!"

Elliott Smith

[solveig]

"Anyway, his idea was that he should go jogging, so after that we went to the mall and bought him shoes and we went jogging instead. He knew he had to deal with some stuff, but at that time he thought getting exercise was going to help. I don't really know why."

Mark Swanson

[solveig]

"We were at Sunset Sound, and on a break we were playing basketball, and he had all these wigs and costumes. He brought out this pirate hat that somehow had an eye patch built into it. Anyway, we devised a game where we all had to take turns doing a lay-up wearing the pirate hat and patch, and we each had to do our best pirate impersonation while trying to make the shot. It was ridiculous and somehow so sweet! At least he had a light side in there at some point. I'm going to hold on to that image of him hobbling towards the the basketball hoop in pirate garb, shouting, 'Ahrrrrr!', and laughing."

Joey Waronker

[llaurens]

"He is my cousin or was...so it was really sad when we heard he died and since it was not clear how"

Katherine Hammer

[llaurens]

"If a song means a lot to me, I want it to mean a lot to the person who wrote it. I don't really want the person to take a step back and say, 'Oh, it has nothing to do with me, it was just an exercise. I read something in a book and thought, How intriguing.' As an audience member, I feel a little let down when people back away from their own music. If I ever read an interview with Elliott Smith and he said, 'Oh, it's all totally fiction, I'm completely well-adjusted,' I'd feel let down. I want to feel that he's courageous enough to share things that are difficult and painful."

Aimee Mann

[solveig]

"If a song means a lot to me, I want it to mean a lot to the person who wrote it. I don't really want the person to take a step back and say, 'Oh, it has nothing to do with me, it was just an exercise. I read something in a book and thought, How intriguing.' As an audience member, I feel a little let down when people back away from their own music. If I ever read an interview with Elliott Smith and he said, 'Oh, it's all totally fiction, I'm completely well-adjusted,' I'd feel let down. I want to feel that he's courageous enough to share things that are difficult and painful."

Aimee Mann


:yes:

[solveig]

"We talk all the time about what we do, making records, messing with gear and all that crap. Sometimes, we forget that we make friends along the way, and that those friendships are more important than anything."

Larry Crane

[llaurens]

"I've managed to piece myself together and am presenting this entry as a response to all of my adoring fans.

I believe that Elliot Smith was murdered.

The autopsy report cited the absence of "hesitation wounds," the presence of "possible defensive wounds," and "stabbing through clothing" as atypical of suicide. In addition, the actions of Smith's live-in girlfriend, musician Jennifer Chiba, were of concern to investigators. Chiba initially told cops that she had argued with Smith, 34, in their home and, at one point, locked herself in the bathroom. Chiba emerged when she heard Smith scream, and saw him standing with "a knife sticking out of his chest." The medical examiner noted that Chiba's "reported removal of the knife and subsequent refusal to speak with detectives are all of concern."

The autopsy and actions of Chiba showed that there are significant unanswered questions. Both opinions on the matter have some supporting data. The link below, points out some things that present more questions than answers.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/esmithaut4.html

I was not there when the events transpired. I may be incorrect. She may be innocent. If I got to know her, maybe I'd believe her story. I can only arrive at a conclusion based upon what I know, not what I do not. By the same token, those who feel he killed himself could be wrong. I am not going to write a play-by-play of the facts and the events. Research it yourself and come up with your own conclusion.

In addition to the love letters, I received an e-mail from someone about his fan site's "no murder discussion" policy. The author claimed that Chiba took it upon herself to personally approach the webmaster, asking that they PROHIBIT any murder conspiracy discussion. I find this to be questionable, particularly given the details provided within the link above. Again, it may not be true, but it is certainly worth noting.

The ambiguity of the situation calls for tolerance of disagreement rather than angry blanket statements (or analysis of one another's logo and/or body parts). Stating that I am an emotionally stunted woman hater has nothing to do with the case despite the fact that it may be true. Remember: crazy fucking bitches kill too. My primary point is that the case should have been examined more closely. To write him off as a "depressed rocker" is foolish and irresponsible.

My feelings on the matter have very little to do with Elliot Smith. The public shrugs off deaths of famous musicians as suicide too readily, even when some facts indicate there may be more to the story. All of those who are fans of his melodic faggotry, or just plain truth, should dig deeper. While I am hardly someone of his renown, I would want someone to do the same for me if I died under questionable circumstances."

Lev Six

[llaurens]

"He is on DreamWorks, but believe me, he's not modifying himself at all."

Aimee Mann

[llaurens]

"I'd started to listen to Elliott Smith's XO again, and I know a lot of that seeped in. I don't know if you can hear it. Certainly for me, I think it seeped into the songwriting in a big way.'

Aimee Mann

[llaurens]

"In person, Smith was much that his songs suggested he would not be: direct, relaxed, easy to talk to. In fact, he talked for hours and even let me interview his father, Gary, backstage in Portland. There was only one thing he would not do, and it was instructive. According to Smith, for the Spin photo shoot, he was asked to wear a tight, white T-shirt artily spattered with fake blood. "

RJ Smith

[llaurens]

"I can’t listen to “Sgt. Pepper’s” anymore. As a musician, I’m burnt out on it — its influence has been so vast and profound. As a lyricist, I find that my ear has become more attuned to the likes of Fiona Apple and Elliott Smith,[...]"

Aimee Mann

[Guest]

"I've managed to piece myself together and am presenting this entry as a response to all of my adoring fans.

I believe that Elliot Smith was murdered.

The autopsy report cited the absence of "hesitation wounds," the presence of "possible defensive wounds," and "stabbing through clothing" as atypical of suicide. In addition, the actions of Smith's live-in girlfriend, musician Jennifer Chiba, were of concern to investigators. Chiba initially told cops that she had argued with Smith, 34, in their home and, at one point, locked herself in the bathroom. Chiba emerged when she heard Smith scream, and saw him standing with "a knife sticking out of his chest." The medical examiner noted that Chiba's "reported removal of the knife and subsequent refusal to speak with detectives are all of concern."

The autopsy and actions of Chiba showed that there are significant unanswered questions. Both opinions on the matter have some supporting data. The link below, points out some things that present more questions than answers.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/esmithaut4.html

I was not there when the events transpired. I may be incorrect. She may be innocent. If I got to know her, maybe I'd believe her story. I can only arrive at a conclusion based upon what I know, not what I do not. By the same token, those who feel he killed himself could be wrong. I am not going to write a play-by-play of the facts and the events. Research it yourself and come up with your own conclusion.

In addition to the love letters, I received an e-mail from someone about his fan site's "no murder discussion" policy. The author claimed that Chiba took it upon herself to personally approach the webmaster, asking that they PROHIBIT any murder conspiracy discussion. I find this to be questionable, particularly given the details provided within the link above. Again, it may not be true, but it is certainly worth noting.

The ambiguity of the situation calls for tolerance of disagreement rather than angry blanket statements (or analysis of one another's logo and/or body parts). Stating that I am an emotionally stunted woman hater has nothing to do with the case despite the fact that it may be true. Remember: crazy fucking bitches kill too. My primary point is that the case should have been examined more closely. To write him off as a "depressed rocker" is foolish and irresponsible.

My feelings on the matter have very little to do with Elliot Smith. The public shrugs off deaths of famous musicians as suicide too readily, even when some facts indicate there may be more to the story. All of those who are fans of his melodic faggotry, or just plain truth, should dig deeper. While I am hardly someone of his renown, I would want someone to do the same for me if I died under questionable circumstances."

Lev Six

research it yourself...

:yes:

some guts here, unmistakably

[solveig]

when you pause to think
for one second or more
what an autopsy
really is
it's sickening

:(

[solveig]

"The more work we got done, the better he seemed to feel. He was getting shit out. Lyrically, this is the most profound record I've ever heard in my life, from any artist. I'd hear the words, and I'd just start crying. He was really speaking to his oppressors on this record - speaking directly to certain people - saying a lot of things that he just had to get off his chest, revisiting themes from his past."

David McConnell

[solveig]

"Yesterday I met Elliott Smith. He was standing in line in front of me at Safeway where I was waiting to pay for my apples and the good couscous you can't get at Cala Foods. Despite having spent the last three years idly stalking him and despite owning all his albums and despite that my walls are covered with his concert posters and I have his static-cling colorform thing on my car, I almost didn't talk to him. That's how shy I am.
But anyway I did talk to him as it turns out. I said "You're Elliott Smith."
He turned around and he said "Yeah," in a terrified kind of way.
I said, "You stole my friend's film." This is true. When Maggie saw him at Amoeba in SF which was right after Either/Or came out, she had her picture taken with him (he was still unfamous enough to where you could do that) and then handed him her camera for whatever Maggie reason. Then he sort of wandered off with it. A few minutes later he came back and returned the camera, but when she went home her film was gone. So I told him this story. "I understand why you'd do it," I said, "because if there were 24 strangers in the world with a picture of me, I would want 24 pictures of a stranger. To get even."
He was kind of entertained by this, in the way that indie rock boys (even sellout Dreamworks-label indie rock boys) are only ever "kind of" anything, but he denied stealing her film. (It is very possible that Maggie actually forgot to put film in the camera in the first place.)
That was pretty much it. He walked me home and we talked and all. To be honest, he's not that interesting. Or maybe we were both just too shy to say much. But at least now I am in a position to say that the new album will almost definitely for sure be out sometime soon.
Best exchange of the evening:
HIM: Not too many stars around here.
ME: Yeah, I miss that.
HIM: I used to just stare at the stars all night, just sit outside and like write songs all night and then when I wrote one I'd play it like eight times, or just a part of it over and over. Just to sort of get to know it? I guess?
ME: Sounds nice.
HIM: Yeah, but I lived in this total shithole and I had, like, a hundred neighbors and by, like, two in the morning they'd just all be screaming out the windows at me, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" You know and stuff like that.
ME: Uh oh.
HIM: Yeah, plus I was taking a lot of, like, amphetamines and different shit. So I would yell back at them but for some reason I only would yell in rhymes.
ME: Like what?
HIM: Like, um, they'd say "shut the fuck up!" and I'd say "sew the duck up."
ME: . . .
HIM: I wasn't totally coherent or anything. I usually had to rewrite the lyrics to most of the songs the next day with a hangover.
ME: That explains why they're so depressing.
HIM: Yeah, I guess..."

Kristen Larson

[McCoy]

I thought that story was posted a long time ago and was fictional.

[llaurens]

research it yourself...

:yes:

some guts here, unmistakably

Because you liked it so much:

"I performed in the same circles as him for many years, [...]

I am playing the devil's advocate. I think that people are too ready to discount one story or another. It is important to keep the dead man's side alive, even if it is unlikely. The vast majority of you have not done your homework, but I'd expect nothing less from internet warriors. Write me directly, please, and approach it with a scientific and logical intention. Otherwise, keep on throwing slander toward blog commentary pages. You're well suited for it! For the simpleton that felt the need to throw Cobain into the mix...HA HA HA! I know more than you ever will about his case. I have no desire to prove myself so why would I post it to "xxtotalxxhardcorexx"?? It's a private ordeal. My informed OPINION is that I think Elliot was stabbed by someone other than himself. That is my opinion. I am sorry that it evokes such homicidal anger within you."

Lev Six

[llaurens]

"I really love his music, it immediately connects to your heart if you have had a hard life, like I have had. He used to live in NYC when EF first started, we saw him around, usually when Jon Spencer was at our shows. He used to walk around the city by himself listening to tapes. His music was very deep and for real and he rocked! The last time I saw him play live was in the month before he died. I had tons of weird visions, they were more than dreams the day he died and for weeks after. It was like he was talking to me about everything. As far as I am concerned, he didn't do it."

Sal Canzonieri

[llaurens]

"Playing things too safe is the most popular way to fail"

Elliott Smith

[solveig]

"I'm a huge fan of his music. I play his songs on the piano each morning. Some of the songs on the first record were written while on tour together. One song that he particularly liked (Summertime), he just went into the studio and recorded those amazing backing vocals on it. He just did it. That was the sweetest thing to hear. He was a really big influence and a super, super guy."

Shon Sullivan

[solveig]

"Playing things too safe is the most popular way to fail"

Elliott Smith


"dying is another way, or like... killing your emotions is another popular way, with, you know, drugs or alcohol or whatever. "

Elliott Smith

[llaurens]

"It's a horrific loss. It seems naive to say I'm shocked, but I am. Elliott was very focused in the past year and had exorcised the demons that had haunted him for years. He'd come to understand that if he wanted to make great records, he had to take care of himself."


"Like most great artists, he saw the world as both a beautiful and a brutal place. He found a way to explore the space in between those. Obviously, it's all the more tragic in that his songs were a dialogue between love and loss. And in the end, he didn't get the upper end of the conversation."

Luke Wood

[llaurens]

"FANS LOVED ELLIOTT SMITH FOR HIS UNHAPPINESS AND HIS DISCOMFORT, IF ONLY BECAUSE HIS MUSIC ALLEVIATED THEIRS."

GINA GIONFRIDDO

[llaurens]

"It is in this light that Elliott Smith's suicide seems such a terrible aberration. Recovering well from terrible periods of mental torment, it seems the destructive element within Elliott Smith surfaced as he was on the upward path to recovery. The autopsy performed on Smith however, has cast doubt on the fact that he committed suicide at all, and lends weight to other more chilling accounts of what occurred in his Silverwood home on the 21st October last year."

Peter Moore

[llaurens]

"I was seduced again by the rawness and immediacy of the pain that the man was able to capture; was talented enough to shape and record; was courageous enough to share with others. Listening to this song it is so obvious how completely depressed and hopeless he was feeling in the moment of creation. Since I am not feeling low these days, my reaction is not to identify with him (as I have identified with artists in the past), but rather to resonate in sympathy. If there is a song in the universe that better captures the spirit of self-loathing and hopelessness characteristic of depression, I don't know what it is."

Mark Dombeck

[llaurens]

"Generally speaking, it's not the kind method used by people who sit
around discussing the merits of various suicide methods. It's the kind
of thing one does out of desperation, when you are half out of your
mind (or completely insane) and you must end the pain quickly no
matter what.

Those people and samurai warriors (who aim for the stomach/bowels
rather than the heart). Thank god I'm neither half-insane nor a
disgraced samurai warrior. "

Pepper

[Guest]

"I was seduced again by the rawness and immediacy of the pain that the man was able to capture; was talented enough to shape and record; was courageous enough to share with others. Listening to this song it is so obvious how completely depressed and hopeless he was feeling in the moment of creation. Since I am not feeling low these days, my reaction is not to identify with him (as I have identified with artists in the past), but rather to resonate in sympathy. If there is a song in the universe that better captures the spirit of self-loathing and hopelessness characteristic of depression, I don't know what it is."

Mark Dombeck


vulnerability music - i remember that one :yes: thanks llaurens, for you at least it doesn't seem to be some fucking joke.

[solveig]

"I just think of them as being real. I look for songs that are sort of happy and sad at the same time, that have conflicting feelings coexisting. I think there should be more words that represent that kind of combination. Melancholy is the only one that people really use, and that one has a huge stigma. It's essentially used to mean dark, when I think what it's actually supposed to mean is that combination.
What's the point in a one-dimensional song?There's gotta be a certain amount of darkness so the happy parts pop out. It's like a bright color. It won't look so bright surrounded only by other bright colors. It would just sort of be hard on the eye."


Elliott Smith

[llaurens]

"As far as i am concerned, this woman is elliott smith's courtney love. you can sit in a puddle of your own apathy if you choose to, but don't attack me for pursuing answers. this entire thread has become a joke, as you all sit and argue over "being too nice omgz!" if you disagree with the post, don't reply to it. please don't clog my inquiry with your foolish banter."

Catherine Jones

[llaurens]

"The last two weeks before Elliott died, a few strange things happened. [...]

One week before Elliott died, I heard his music in the daytime and I was shocked, I thought he must be completing his album and this was good news. [...]

The story said he was dead by suicide. I just couldn't believe it, it can't be true, it's a lie. [...]
I don't know why but the first thing I did was call Elliott's lawyer and ask him if this was true, I just didn't believe it. His lawyer said it was true. I was shocked but the first thing I thought was about the force and I wanted to protect Elliotts things, I wanted to make sure the force didn't come back and take all of his things. [...]

Apparently, Elliott had a meeting with the landlord one week before this happened and informed him that he was no longer doing business with his lawyer and that the force was now his manager. [...]

I didn't believe Elliott killed himself, gentle men don't stab themselves in the stomach or heart or wherever, they don't do that, he said he wasn't depressed, he was finishing the album, it was obvious those last two weeks."

Caroline

[llaurens]

"It is much easier to stab someone else than oneself; therefore, suicide by stabbing is uncommon. Most deaths due to stab wounds are considered homicides. Stab wounds showing minimal penetration or wounds that barely break the skin usually identify self-inflicted stab wounds and are known as hesitation wounds. Stab wounds seen in people who have committed suicide vary in size and depth with usually only one or two “final” ones entering the chest wall or an internal organ. It is a rare individual who can self-inflict stab wounds without any evidence of hesitancy."

www.aorn.org/journal

[llaurens]

"The wife got it first hand last night.

she's known his girlfriend for sometime.

first, she's a fucking manic nutball.

second, she and elliott have had this emotional, dramatic table turning, door slamming, screaming "i hate you" type of relationship. typical for a manic and a depressed individual right? the wife has witnessed it herself in a bar one night."

Patrick

[solveig]

"I wanted to write about the Elliott Smith that I saw on tour, who seemed shy and fragile one minute then playing super aggressive basketball the next, whose music got me through some hard times , and when I felt bad about playing some gross club with profanity scrawled all over the ceiling, I knew Elliot was out there somewhere making beautiful music in the middle of the same kind of stink. Poets are inspired because they look up at the same sky that Wordsworth used to look at. I was inspired because I looked up at the same starscape of 'Dookie,' 'Nirvana Sux' and 'Eat Me' that Elliott used to look up at. Hopefully people will hear the song and five more people will go out and buy his records or think about what he meant. If it keeps him alive for another few minutes, then I accomplished what I wanted to do."

Ben Folds

[solveig]

"I don’t really do interviews about Elliott too much. I can talk a little bit about my involvement in that record, but it’s probably not gonna get past that. (...)
Rob and I said we’d do two interviews, and we did the two and that was it. One of the interviews , the person that was doing the interview fabricated that I burst into tears in the middle of the interview, which was not true."

Joanna Bolme

[llaurens]

"Greg Dulli used his Afghan Whigs money to buy a seedy LA bar where a shy drinker came in every week who eventually introduced himself as Elliott Smith."

Mail Clerk

[llaurens]

"I actually knew Elliott 13 or 14 years ago when the Whigs had played with Heatmiser a few times in Portland. But when I bought a bar in Los Angeles, I was bartending and co-managing it when we first opened. If I was bartending on a Monday night and there wasn’t a lot of people there, that’s when Elliott would come in. We remembered each other from Portland and still had a lot of friends and music in common. I’m not going to tell you we were best buddies because that wouldn’t be the truth. But for about a year, he would stay after the bar closed and we’d listen to the Beatles and the Hollies on the jukebox, and I’d be able to pick out everything he was stealing. Beautiful man, though.

I told somebody that the thing I felt the worst about it was not that he did it or not that I wasn’t going to get to talk to him anymore, but that I had thought about the five minutes before the act, and I think that’s probably the absolute pit of loneliness and despair."

Greg Dulli

[solveig]

:)

"Certificate of Appreciation
presented to Steven Smith
whose gifts in the past year have helped provide 6000 meals for hungry boys and girls. May you be richly blessed for your exceptional love and generosity."

Larry Jones (Feed the Children)

[llaurens]

"I'm not mocking, and there is no 'wrong doing'. I completely understand the way Elliott Smith's MUSIC means such a lot to such a lot of people. I just hate the phenomenon where prematurely dead rock stars become almost religious icons. Yes, indeed, as (I hope) well adjusted folk we may seek to pay tribute to sadly departed musical heroes of ours, but I've had a bit too much experience of people who are far from well adjusted focusing on the distress in those musicians lives and making them totems for their own self destruction.
I can't really speak for Elliot Smith, since his death was pretty suspicious, but I can say that when Kurt shot himself it was the biggest possible fuck-you he could ever have paid to his fans. How can I say... idolize the music, idolize it all you want... write articles, promote concerts, write books... but all too often we, as journalists can't resist getting involved in the human interest side, and the 'tragedy'. Fuck tragedy. There is no glory in ending your own life, no romance, just a fucking huge mess for those around you to deal with. To an extent we are talking about mourning here, and I am trying to say that it is a positive thing to celebrate his life and his music, but a negative thing to fixate on his death and the loss. The tone of the presentation is everything."

Anonymous

[llaurens]

"If one of Elliott's musical "heroes" had died with such suspicious circumstance, I'd think he'd be more interested in the truth about that. And to want to know truth is not a bad thing. It is a natural thing to want to "KNOW". "

Brian B

[llaurens]

"I know he was completely clean. His death was not about drugs and that's what makes me mad. He wasn't some stupid junkie on the nod."

Steve Hanft

[llaurens]

"Throwing blame and suing people and saying in magazines that they know what's best isn't doing any good. We've all got the right to do those things, but I hope that you do understand that we're trying. I'm trying. Harder than I've ever tried. [...] try to keep in mind that things aren't always as they seem in an article or in one person's mind. There are so many perspectives, many of which haven't been heard,..."

Ashley Welch

[solveig]

"It seemed like he had falling outs with people all the time. It was really weird. It was almost like he sought out relationships on purpose so that he could have a falling out."

David Mc Connell

[solveig]

"Elliott had a good people radar. Like he knew who he should have in his life. But then when... it's almost as if, when he felt he couldn't live up to his own expectations of what it took to maintain that relationship, he messed with it. You know. Sabotage."

Margaret Mittleman

[llaurens]

"Don't buy into the romantic myths of self-destruction that are now going to grow about Elliott. I'm still tremendously fond of the man and his work, but when I last saw him, he didn't look like himself, and there was nothing romantic about it."

Jem Cohen

[llaurens]

"I think the thing he doesn't get credit for, and in some ways the truest thing about him, is that Elliott was hilarious. He was constantly joking, cracking people up, and I think that's really the opposite of what most people think about with him."

Slim Moon

[llaurens]

"Happy Ending were a fresh exciting four piece alternative punk rock explosion from L.A , three girls lined up in red (well some times it's all white, gold...) at the front, boy drummer operating the glue that holds it together at the back.... they have us singing about dalmations... Classic grrrl punk/lo-fi pop/alt.rock with songs to lust after... the kind of thing you'd expect to find on a label like Kill Rock Stars.

HAPPY ENDING are/were COLOMBENE JARINGE, GILDEN TUNADOR, JENNIFER CHIBA and TOPO

And it was all buzzing and looking exciting and everyone was talking about their packed LA shows. We were all ready to put out the single here on ORG. Jenn's boyfriend Elliott Smith had been working on the recordings and, we were talking about following up the debut with an Elliott/Happy Ending split seven incher and... Well we all sadly know what happened next with Elliott... The recordings have been put to one side, the band are no more, it just best left. We'll leave it there (and please don't call us and ask us for quotes about Jenn and Elliott) "

ORG RECORDS

[llaurens]

"pull the ripchord
the ship has lost its sail
your mama's got a new man
your daddy always fails
and you're eating again
at them
'cause nobody loves you

and even fancy things
have finally lost their charm
wine and diamond rings
they never get you anymore
you're sleeping again
alone
'cause nobody loves you

oooh
they should have seen you
should have known you
should have known what it was like
to be you

so come on kid
look at what you did
I don't know if you meant it
but you did yourself in
and I was even having a good day
when I'd found out we lost you

oooh
she said it was in the singing and the strumming
oh man I even saw it coming"

Rilo Kiley

[llaurens]

“He never lets you on to which part of the lyric he’s lying about – that happiness or the sadness. And that’s Elliott.”

Luke Wood

[llaurens]

"When someone that big dies – and for the people who loved Elliott his death was as big as Jimi Hendrix or Kurt Cobain or Jim Morrison – there’s a sense of wanting to figure it out. It’s a way of displacing bad feelings."

Blake Sennett

[llaurens]

“When they (the fans) come to the wall, they’re not happy coming, they’re not happy leaving. You’re left with these mixed feelings.”

Stephon Lew

[solveig]

"L.A. is pretentious and lonely."

Elliott Smith

"I really, really wanted him to live in L.A. I just thought that being close to us, and all these people i knew would be good for him (...) I feel guilty about the L.A. thing because I really thought L.A. was going to be healthy."

Margaret Mittleman

[solveig]

"Jon Brion played on Mary Lou Lord’s record. She told me that there was this guy knew all my songs and he might come down and play some songs with me at a live show I was playing in L.A. And I was like, “Okay.” He showed up and said he knew all my songs, and I was like, “Why?” “Because,” you know. So I said, “Let’s go through a couple things at sound check.” I didn’t think he knew all my songs at all. And he was like, “Oh, okay,” but the way he said it was sort of like, “Yeah, we can go through some stuff at sound check if you need to, but I don’t need to.” So we started going through a song at sound check, and about halfway through I was like, man, he’s not kidding. There he was, he even ended up playing on some songs that night that he hadn’t even heard before. And he was just really brilliant. He’s the most melodic, musical person I’ve ever met. He makes me feel pedestrian. He’s like our own Paul McCartney."

Elliott Smith

[hoz]

This thread is so brutally beautiful. Thank you everyone.

[llaurens]

This thread is so brutally beautiful. Thank you everyone.

:D:yes:

you're welcome!

:xo:

[llaurens]

"Michelle and i spent every free moment of the weekend with gary and marta (elliott's dad and stepmom), and i played my new version of 'new disaster' at the taping of my radio show we did in portland, gary and marta in attendance. i announced it to the live audience as a song 'by the most important musician ever to call portland home: elliott smith'. on sunday, gary made an incredible chicken cacciatori, and i got to play on elliott's roland organ/synth from the studio, and we held his red gibson solid-body. but most importantly, we got to see gary's paintings, which are incredible. the both of them are incredible people and i miss them terribly already. a very special time."


Chris O'Riley

[solveig]

This thread is so brutally beautiful. Thank you everyone.

thank you, that's what he was too
brutally beautiful
& so we're trying
to paint him that way