accepting it

[blunderful]

do any of you try to accept his death? sometimes i try to think of how he wouldn't want us to be mourning over him the way we do. i try to think of how much better he must be now if there really is an afterlife (and i hope there is). and if there isn't.. well.. at least he's not suffering anymore. i still can't help but be sad though. how is everyone else handling it?

[marcusmo]

i still find myself often drifting off, and thinking about him... elliott came to me at such a critical point in my life, that i can't seem to get over it. I constantly catch myself just brushing it off, and acting like he's right here next to me as i type it. so, to sum it all up, it's still gonna be awhile...

[meepmeep]

i feel like i've accepted it.

i don't post here as much as like i used to, whatever that is worth.

elliott was an amazing soul, and he blessed this earth, and he left. that's all i know -- he will never be back and if there is a life after this earth i believe he's in a more peaceful state than while he was here. so that is what i accept. i try to enjoy what he gave us and go on.

[pokey]

I cried a lot when he died. you'd think we were good friends the way I cried about it. Like so many, when I found his music I felt less alone and he seemed like some kind of miracle for me. very personal. Now I have accepted it. I've had many people in my life die over the last ten-fifteen years, and you've just got to accept it because no amount of cryin and pining for them is gonna bring them back.

and as for posting, I've never been much of a high flier here, but I do like to come see the action.

[marcusmo]

yeah, i dunno i'm a major lurker, only crawling out of the cave when i feel i have something worthwhile to share.

[ParentheticalThought]

I accept it like a fact. I tried like hell to negotiate my way out of it and to will him back but of course it didn't work -- he's dead and that's just the way it is. I used to be horribly angry at him to but I guess I'm not now. I'm still angry at his situation but I try not to dwell. So yeah, I accept it but I guess you could say that I'm not satisfied with accepting it.

[lill]

there is a nice vid of artist bill viola describing a piece at the venice biennale. it sort of has to do with matters of life and death as such. i don't know if it has any relevance here but i remember liking what he said.http://ie.youtube.com/watch?v=Fv6KBzqWDJQ

[seamonster]

It's very relevant! I'd like to check out the poet he was quoting; I couldn't quite get his name, though.
As for Elliott, I went through a period of real grief that took me by surprise. I still find it difficult to listen to FABOTH. I turn much more to his early stuff, and I guess that's a way of keeping him alive for me.

[lill]

this is the poem by birago diop called breaths. the link is here..http://social.chass.ncsu.edu/wyrick/debclass/sengpo.htm

B. Diop, "Breaths"
Listen more often to things rather than beings.
Hear the fire's voice,
Hear the voice of water.
In the wind hear the sobbing of the trees,
It is our forefathers breathing.

The dead are not gone forever.
They are in the paling shadows,
And in the darkening shadows.
The dead are not beneath the ground,
They are in the rustling tree,
In the murmuring wood,
In the flowing water,
In the still water,
In the lonely place, in the crowd:
The dead are not dead.

Listen more often to things rather than beings.
Hear the fire's voice,
Hear the voice of water.
In the wind hear the sobbing of the trees.
It is the breathing of our forefathers,
Who are not gone, not beneath the ground,
Not dead.

The dead are not gone for ever.
They are in a woman's breast,
A child's crying, a glowing ember.
The dead are not beneath the earth,
They are in the flickering fire,
In the weeping plant, the groaning rock,
The wooded place, the home.
The dead are not dead.

Listen more often to things rather than beings.
Hear the fire's voice,
Hear the voice of water.
In the wind hear the sobbing of the trees.
It is the breathing of our forefathers.

[seamonster]

Wow, thanks. That's beautiful.

[ParentheticalThought]

Call it a crisis of imagination or what have you, but to me the dead are dead. If they're in the fire and the trees it's because I put them there with my own brain as a way to avoid the simple fact of death. I can't hear him, see him, hug him or buy brand new CDs made entirely by him. No one he loves or who loves him can get near him anymore. I'd love to really truly find him everywhere I look but in the end I can't help but admit to myself that a tree is just a tree and a chair is just a chair. To me, they just are.

[solveig]

accepting what
i'm not accepting it
i'm not because
i don't know what i'm dealing with here
had he been 79 years old
i'd probably be able
to reach the luxury
of "closure" (ah!)
& of simple sadness
but as it is
his death remains
a raw wound
that brings unrest
that brings despair
that demands to dive deep
into the unpolite emotions
for all the dizzying talk around him
that doesn't bring him back
that's only burying him away
underneath shovelfuls
of interpretation
all i hear is silence
still.
no.
answer.

[lill]

Call it a crisis of imagination or what have you, but to me the dead are dead. If they're in the fire and the trees it's because I put them there with my own brain as a way to avoid the simple fact of death. I can't hear him, see him, hug him or buy brand new CDs made entirely by him. No one he loves or who loves him can get near him anymore. I'd love to really truly find him everywhere I look but in the end I can't help but admit to myself that a tree is just a tree and a chair is just a chair. To me, they just are.

i agree. he is very much dead. its only a way of thinking of death and loss in other ways and it always falls short. uno, its a lovely craft to draft an outlet of expression, of course it's not an answer in itself. i cried myself to sleep when i heard elliott died. i suppose that's why i questioned it's relevance as a view to accepting it but just on some level i liked what he said.

[placeholder86]

I never knew him on a personal level, so that takes the bulk of the grief away. I discoverd his music quite late on, but I knew of him while he was around and I read about his death at the time it happened without thinking too much of it, without realising what a major loss this was. So, when I got into his stuff heavily I did find myself feeling sad at the fact that there would never be another record, Ill never get a chamce to see him play live, but most of all that he was only 34. Its kind of an angry/sad feeling at the same time....angry beacause he DIDNT have to do that, sad because thats it, over....